Hey, look, Matt Drudge did something nice for the entire country: He ended the Democratic primary, even though it was supposed to continue until eternity. See the picture and headline at left, which ran atop Drudge Report tonight. Drudge's link went to a video of Meet The Press anchor Tim Russert calmly explaining to America that "we now know who the Democratic nominee is going to be" and that Hillary Clinton is probably about to quit (she cancelled her TV appearances and everything!). Then David Gergen, the Bill Clinton aide turned talking head, said on CNN the election is over, partly because Chelsea looked sad during Hillary's last speech. "You could see the anguish on her face," Gergen said. "I think the Clinton people know the game is almost up." Remaining voters, politely thank your media overlords for deciding the election on your behalf. Clips of Russert and Gergen, and a bigger pic of the Drudge page, after the jump.

It was a tight 51-49 percent with 95 percent of precincts reporting, and now the Associated Press projects Hillary Clinton as the winner in Indiana. More in the Times. Clinton said she'll keep fighting, but with only a 23,000-vote margin and reports she dipped into her own funds, her options are "dwindling."

In the following clip, Hillary Clinton is asked to choose between celebrities Ellen DeGeneres, Simon Cowell and Jimmy Kimmel as a vice president. "Who would you pick and why?" asked Mary Alice Haney, of MomLogic.com and TV channel Extra. The only appropriate response, of course, would be for Clinton to use the lasers behind her cyborg eyes to set Haney's hair on fire, but it's 2008 and the Democratic presidential candidate needs to out-cool Barack Obama and John McCain, so she just laughed (at the sad future of our country) and said they'd all be on her short list. I really wanted her to snap and live up to her reputation as a caustic bitch, but she didn't, not even when asked about inane advice from Cowell. Clip after the jump.

At long last, the mainstream media stops its glad-handing of Hillary Clinton and pins down her position on the most important issue of our time: Vanity Fair's scandalous Miley Cyrus pictures. Clinton reveals that Cyrus is a "great kid," and vows that this should be a "teachable moment" for parents and children alike. Good work, ET! Then she gets interrogated about her position on Barbara Walters' affairs, her workout routine, and how great her last interview with ET really was. Why the deafening silence on these issues, Obama? Video of the interview is below.

So. This is the trailer for a "documentary" called Demons for Hillary. If this trailer is any indication, the film presents a series of man-on-the-street interviews with people who are scared of Hillary Clinton interspersed with pixelated hard-core pornography, including a delightful set piece in which little people in dime-store devil costumes take advantage of nubile young women. Which is why Hillary is not fit to be President. You can download the whole film right now for ten bucks! Could someone else do this and report back to us? We are too scared to. The film came with a baffling press release. "AVAILABILITY: Filmmaker Todd Fligner is available 24/7 -Los Angeles, Ca, nationwide by arrangement and via telephone. Great last minute interview." We're sure! Full press release after the jump. It involves the phrase "threesome tirades."

It's obvious why Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to go on Fox News all of a sudden. They're trying to reach white male swing voters, and those voters tend to watch Fox. But why is the conservative cable news network so eager to cede airtime to these bleeding heart lefties? That would be because of ratings. For some strange reason, Fox News viewers are suddenly very interested in the Democratic primaries, even though they shouldn't care because Republican candidate John McCain has already promised to continue many of the glorious Bush Administration policies they've heard so much about on Fox News. This has led to some, uh, changes:

Hillary Clinton sat down with Bill O'Reilly yesterday because she apparently feels no compunction about encouraging him. The result was a reasonably reasonable interview, especially for Bill—which is not entirely surprising, as he usually saves his bullying for people who are easily bullied. He called her a socialist, yes, and then he called Teddy Roosevelt a socialist as well. At the end of the interview (which continues today) O'Reilly tried to goad Hillary into trashing NBC news. It might've worked! Bill hates MSNBC because their Keith Olbermann subjects him to the sort of personal abuse that Bill specializes in. Hillary hates MSNBC because their Chris Matthews compulsively says terrible sexist things about her. Sadly, Clinton backed down from the fight. Later today, they're gonna talk waterboarding!

Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama's controversial former preacher, spent the weekend on media blitz, and the end result is that the press doesn't really like him. Except where before they were just harping on him because it was a great, easy story, now it's personal, because Wright expressed deep disdain for the entire journalistic class during each of last weekend's appearances. NOT DONE, REVEREND. You're supposed to be all penitent and you're expected to curtsy to whichever 60 Minutes dinosaur they unfreeze to drag out your meek apology. But Errol Louis in the Daily News—alarmed though he is that Wright acted at the Press Club "as if nobody in the room was learned enough to ask him a question"—did discover that Wright was actually invited to the Press Club by an enthusiastic Hillary Clinton supporter. Barbara Reynolds voted for Clinton in Maryland, criticizes Obama on her blog, and "organized" the Wright event at the Press Club. Hah. Well, if Obama's "scary" black preacher actually dooms his candidacy, we'll happily join the "god damn America" bandwagon, but that will probably surprise no one. After the jump, the Daily Show's bit on Wright's weekend performance. Stewart's "I'm scared of the black man" routine gets less funny every time he employs it but the clips are decidedly enjoyable.

The Daily Show covered this the other night. Skip to about three minutes in, when the pundits demand blood. "Look, we gotta kill her off—y'know, figuratively."

Hillary Clinton campaign site VoteHillary.org is vulnerable to a common exploit known as cross-site scripting (XSS), as demonstrated by Finnish security specialist Harry Sintonen. He says he's not particularly interested in American politics, according to Netcraft, which first reported Sintonen's research. He was just inspired by the attack on sites maintained by the Barack Obama campaign to see if Clinton's were also vulnerable to XSS exploits. This may redefine "political hack." But any hope that the electoral system itself might prove so pliable to technological alteration is too audacious to discuss.

So Hillary's "leaked" internal polling numbers gave her an 11 point lead in Pennsylvania, and Obama publicly predicted he'd lose by 8-10 percentage points. TV talking heads decided she needed to win by "more than 10 points" to justify staying in the race. And Clinton ended up clobbering Obama with 9.2 percent victory! Then, oddly, everyone suddenly admitted that the entire Pennsylvania primary was an elaborate farce with no actual point.

Buzzword watch: "bloody shirt." It means 9/11 and it's shameful when a Democrat brings it up. Because only Republicans are supposed to! The term, which refers to invoking martyrs to stave off criticism, dates back to the Civil War, and no one has used it since. Until Keith Olbermann tried to shame Hillary Clinton with it and she laughed and laughed and laughed. Now, in today's remarkable New York Times un-dorsement of Hillary Clinton: "On the eve of this crucial primary, Mrs. Clinton became the first Democratic candidate to wave the bloody shirt of 9/11." So: "bloody shirt." Try it out this week on a friend or co-worker!

Editorial: "By staying on the attack and not engaging Mr. Obama on the substance of issues like terrorism, the economy and how to organize an orderly exit from Iraq, Mrs. Clinton does more than just turn off voters who don't like negative campaigning. She undercuts the rationale for her candidacy that led this page and others to support her: that she is more qualified, right now, to be president than Mr. Obama." [Times]

The major networks are calling the Pennsylvania primaries for Hillary Clinton, and with 31 percent of precincts reporting she has a comfortable 10 percentage point lead over Barack Obama, not that her margin of victory really matters, because Clinton has already promised to keep arguing with her Democratic presidential rival forever, until every last American is a broken alcoholic begging for mercy from this endless campaign. "Mrs. Clinton is leaving no doubt that this race goes forward," said the Times tonight. The next primary is May 6, in Indiana and North Carolina. Even if Clinton ends up with a vanishingly small margin of victory in Pennsylvania and virtually no chance of winning the nomination, the media is still going to be saturated with campaign "news." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a couple more bottles of scotch..

Game, set, match: Drudge. That's how you do quasi-sexist. Confusingly. [Drudge, Earlier]

This is the cover of the new New Republic. It's attached to a kinda interesting story about infighting in the Hillary Clinton campaign and how head pollster Mark Penn is a dick who is impossible to work with. But the real debate is over just how sexist this cover is. Your editor is a dude, and is therefore not always sensitive to these things. But still. Unflattering photo = sexist? Or is it the term "psychodrama"? It is unfair, yes, and mean-spirited, obviously, but... it's the New Republic. They printed the fucking Bell Curve idiots. Ok: the cover makes her look shrill and crazy, but isn't it a callback to noted shrill and crazy penis-haver Howard Dean? And aren't there similarly offensive "psychodrama" stories printed about President Bush and his daddy issues every damn month? Hell, we'll give this a 4. Now: debate! But for the love of Paglia be intelligent about it, please. We'll be watching, with an itchy banning finger. [TNR, Feministe, Jezebel]

So! Tonight! Pennsylvania's Primary! The current CW sez Clinton will win—her internal numbers have her 11 points ahead, public polling has a slightly narrower margin. But she needs a HUGE win to, uh, overtake Obama in the popular vote. The delegate thing? Well, that's a much harder gap to close. Hey, remember how Hil was inevitable? Anyone? It was less than a year ago that she was the unstoppable presumptive nominee. What happened? We went back in time, with our magic Googling time machine, to dissect 18 months of campaign spin, media narratives, and pundit bullshit to figure out how Senator Hillary Clinton went from our next President to this increasingly desperate-looking figure.

Hilarious Prediction Watch: "The Rezko business is also not likely to hurt [Barack Obama], because his principal rival will probably be Hillary Clinton, and she's not going to bring up the topic of questionable land deals." –Slate's John Dickerson, December 14, 2006.

During the 1990s, Richard Mellon Scaife spent millions of dollars to dig up all kinds of dirt on Bill and Hillary Clinton, including about Bill's sexual misconduct and the Clinton's investment in the Whitewater real estate development. At the time, Hillary said the media attacks Scaife funded were part of a "vast right wing conspiracy," but now she thinks the whole thing was just hilarious. MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann reminded Clinton that he once left MSNBC because he was so upset over coverage of the attacks on Bill Clinton. Hillary Clinton kept laughing. Olbermann told her he wasn't joking. Clinton kept laughing. "I do believe in redemption, Keith," Clinton said. "I believe in deathbed conversions." Deathbeds are funny, so Clinton kept laughing. Video after the jump.