For decades now, Washington DC has struggled to put itself on the hip hop map. For decades, the city's hip hop scene has fought to be counted alongside Philly's and New York's and Miami's and Atlanta's as a real player on the East Coast. For decades, DC has worked to prove that it's more than go go music and gunshots. And it's made incremental progress. But the massive brawl that spoiled the DMV Awards Saturday night probably won't help.

Chet Haze, the hottest Northwestern University-based up-and-coming rapper who was fathered by the narrator of The Polar Express, is finally speaking out on his creative process:

Former music executive and current advertising guru Steve Stoute took a full-page ad out in the Sunday New York Times basically saying, "Yo, Grammys. I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but Eminem, Kanye West, and Justin Bieber had the best albums of all time." The sad thing is he's right.

CHET HAZE, Northwestern University's most prominent aspiring West Coast rapper who is also a son of the star of the movie Castaway, has a Valentine's Day present for all of you motherfuckers: a mixtape, of Chet Haze songs. Yea, sorry. That's all.

There's a very good reason that our culture's most enduring artistic and moral icons all died young: because if they'd stuck around long enough, they'd have ended up shilling for sugary beverages during the Super Bowl. So long, Eminem. You were fun while you lasted.

"Step to me, get beat down like Rodney King." These and other words can be heard in this "freestyle" (*derisive chuckle*) by Tom Hanks' son Chet, better known as CHET HAZE, Northwestern University's most famous currently enrolled student/ MC.

Kool Herc, the Bronx DJ who invented the break beat and thereby became the Thomas Jefferson of hip hop, spawned a musical genre that has made countless people millionaires. Not Herc, though; he's reportedly sick and broke.

Today is Day Two of the burgeoning rap career of Tom Hanks' son Chet, a.k.a. CHET HAZE. You thought he was all about getting high at Northwestern University? Wrong! He's also about getting high in the fancier parts of L.A.

Chet Hanks is the son of actor Tom Hanks. He attends Northwestern University. Chet Haze is "an up and coming MC...Born and raised on the West Side of the Westside's main city LA." Yes, he has a new Northwestern-themed single.

Duncan Hines Amazing Glazes? More like Duncan Hines Amazing Racists. You know? This controversial ad for "Hip Hop Cupcakes" (the a capella singing group variety) is currently America's biggest cupcake-racism-related scandal. I don't know, those desserts sure can harmonize. [Eater]

NYU's Tisch School has named Ruff Ryders producer (and Alicia Keys' husband) Swizz Beatz as its "Producer in Residence" for the coming school year. That high tuition buys something at last, kids! He's no DJ Premier, but. Baby steps.

News came in today that budding country star Gwyneth Paltrow will be performing her sure-to-be-hit song "Country Strong", from the movie of the same name, at the Country Music Awards. Oh brother. What other ridiculous things could Paltrow do next?

Eyedea, a legendary battle rapper who put out several albums on the fine indie hip hop label Rhymesayers, was found dead last weekend in his home in St. Paul, Minnesota. He was 28 years old.

Lil Wayne sent a handwritten letter to a soldier in Iraq. He's so damn positive now!

Adequate rapper Jay-Z has a book coming out. By Jay-Z. It's called DECODED. This book "decodes 36 songs from JAY-Z's extensive catalog." Great, since Jay-Z's lyrics are hard to interpret. "Get that dirt off your shoulder." What dirt?

"Birthplace of Hip Hop," 1520 Sedgwick Avenue in The Bronx, is saved from predatory developers.

Yesterday we introduced you to Tyrone Hayes, the UC-Berkeley biologist who expresses his opposition to the herbicide atrazine with shouty, rap lyric-quoting emails to its manufacturer, Syngenta. Well—there are many more Tyrone Hayes emails where those came from!

Yoseph Robinson, a Jamaican-born former hip hop label exec who converted to Orthodox Judaism and was working on an autobiography, was killed in a Brooklyn liquor store robbery last night. He lived an interesting life. [NYDN]

So there's actually a Western-themed rap song and video about nominating professor and tough TARP overseer Elizabeth Warren to head the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. (Which Obama should do!) It's strangeness is only matched by its importance, to nerds.

It's no secret that there are few things funnier than white people teaching hip hop. Watch as this woman shows us not only how to move, but the true fundamentals of being hood.