Bush-pardoned rapper John Forte is finally home, and he's already making new music! We are truly happy for him, so we will just make three gentle points about his "video":

What do you get when you mix the potent trends of Russian oligarchs buying pop stars for private concerts and Kanye West getting booed? The funnest New Year's Eve story of awful 2008!

VIBE declares that its February Kanye West cover is "the only in-depth cover story interview granted to any major magazine surrounding the release of his controversial album, 808s & Heartbreak." But is it?

Did you know that hip hop videos have been scientifically proven to subtly embody everything you need to know about the state of US popular and political culture? Proof in four easy examples:

Did Brooklyn hip hop star Talib Kweli, former partner to Mos Def, stiff some dude out of $1,200 for services rendered—because of the internet? Yes, according to that dude's shocking claims:

Kanye West is planning a puppet show, but he's been beaten to the punch—drowsy, dancing teenage rapper Soulja Boy has just launched an online cartoon show starring Alfonso Riberio. Hip hop is magic:

OMG: Celebuzz exclusively reports that faux lesbian Katy Perry has broken up with her faux lesbian-loving boyfriend, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes. Celebuzz also exclusively reports that Travis took to his blog with these heartfelt words of pain about the breakup:

Friend of the commoner Tom Wolfe is all white on the outside. But don't judge. The Observer caught up with the fancy author and had him explain what the rappers are talking about (SEX):

First Damon Dash's apartment got foreclosed upon, and now Doug E. Fresh is facing the same fate. One more to a full trend! We need more rhymes about financial planning:

On SNL last night, Kanye West sounded disturbingly like a quiet man doing bad karaoke. Severe tech problems, or natural talent problems? Click to watch, listen, and judge.

Yesterday we pointed out that our nation's current idiot president, George "W" Bush, had made the unlikely move of commuting the cocaine-smuggling sentence of a rapper—a black man, with unruly hair!—because that rapper, John Forte, went to fancy prep school Exeter, and being a prep school cokehead is something Bush can relate to. Friends, we firmly believe in the accuracy of this macroanalysis. But even more amusing is the micro-analysis, because the chain of events that caused the union-busting Republican Mormon Sen. Orrin Hatch to become a fierce advocate of the (allegedly) coke-slinging producer of The Fugees is just what America is all about: Step One: John Forte goes to Exeter, makes friends with Carly Simon's kid, then makes friends with Carly Simon. Step Two: John Forte goes to jail. Step Three: Carly Simon records one of Orrin Hatch's soulful ballads and then is like "Okay now you owe me, old man."

Who said George W. Bush is not a friend to the hip hop community? The president has gone and pardoned John Forte, a rapper (who got briefly famous doing tracks with the Fugees) who's been in prison since 2000 for a cocaine smuggling conviction. $1.4 million in liquid coke through the Newark airport, to be precise. I forgive Bush for the wars and everything now! Forte has always maintained his innocence, but so does everyone else in jail, and you don't see Republican Christian fundamentalist zealot politicians pardoning them. So why did W. set Forte free? It's those private school connections paying off:

We've been hard on Common, the "conscious" Chicago rapper who spends an inordinate amount of time making ads for damn near everybody and then coming up with weird justifications for how he's still keeping it real. Now his new TV ad for Zune, the off-brand iPod that Common called "a representation of me," is out. And he's pulled godfather of the beat Afrika Bambaataa into the advertising web along with him! This, along with The Roots signing on as Jimmy Fallon's house band, is pounding my capability for sincere outrage into a sense of zombie-like acceptance. Watch the full ad below and surrender:
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This past weekend, a hip hop blog called Nah Right posted a YouTube interview with ?uestlove, a member of hip hop live band supergroup The Roots. And he said that The Roots were retiring from touring in order to become the house band for Jimmy Fallon when he takes over Conan O'Brien's late night show next year. But that video was quickly pulled, so everyone has been scrambling to find out whether this apocalyptic... thing is actually true. NBC has no official comment, but we hear that it probably is. Essaywhuman?!!!??! This is one of those things that proves you're getting old. I've never had a group that I actually like go the late night house band route. Springsteen fans saw Max Weinberg take his act to Conan's show; and I'm sure there were some jazz heads who were flabbergasted to see their main man Kevin Eubanks signing up with Jay Leno. But The Roots? The Illadelph generals opening up for that stuttering mop-headed ball of suck, Jimmy Fallon? It's kind of tragic. On one hand, we'll get to see The Roots on TV every night; on the other hand, Black Thought opening for Jimmy Fallon every night is the cultural equivalent of Miles Davis playing his horn on the subway platform to back up a semi-trained dancing spider monkey. To the extend that The Roots are a hip hop group, it's pretty fucking shocking. To the extent that The Roots are a hipster group, that's the end of that. They still give one of the best live shows anywhere, and the thought that the only way to see them live any more will be in the middle of the afternoon in a Midtown studio between periods of Jimmy Fallon snickering at his own cue cards is just an atrocious thing. But they're old and so are we, so everyone is tired. Now I will go and cut myself repeatedly.

"De La Soul and A Tribe Called Quest are the reasons that there is a non-white president-elect for these United States. You think white folks would have gotten behind a Public Enemy X-Clan candidate? Hellz the fuck no!" This is just what we said but much more pithy. [XXL]

Barack Obama did an interview with yesterday with Sway, MTV's official friendly ambassador from the land of hip hop. A viewer asked him about towns that try to pass laws banning baggy pants. First Obama said those laws are a "waste of time." But then he added, "brothers should pull up your pants!" Is Barack Obama a fashion icon, or your grumpy old dad—or is he both?!?! [UPDATE: Clip of the interview below!]:

Well Kanye West, we've got to give it to you. In the past we've mocked you for your blog, your anti-hippie rants, your comical self-importance, and your muppet show. But that was before you filled a room with dozens of nude women as a backdrop for your record release party. Critics who enjoy nude women loved it! Here's how these creative, out-of-the-box tactics worked for Kanye and his media friends—Nakedness below:

Hip Hop Weekly is an execrable, half-assed attempt at a hip hop version of Us Weekly. HHW was founded a couple of years ago by Dave Mays and Benzino, the guys who ran The Source into the ground through sheer selfishness before being forced out. Suffice it to say there's no reason to have a sympathetic view of the magazine's existence. Which makes this epic email fuckup on their part—reprinted below!—that much more enjoyable: HHW, we hear, has trouble paying its vendors, writers, and photographers. Or just doesn't want to. Either way, lots of people who have done work for the magazine are pissed at it. So it was pretty dumb for HHW to (mistakenly?) blast out an invitation to its 50th issue release party to a long list of contributors who hadn't been paid yet. Cue the responses!

Several months ago we passed judgment on "conscious" rapper Common—he's fundamentally a tool. Not for his music, which is cool enough, but because he merrily goes around selling himself as a pitchman for everything from Smirnoff to GAP, while simultaneously yapping on and on about his true devotion to hip hop and love and art and The Corner and acting like these "brand partnerships" somehow represent something deeper than just a paycheck. It's incredibly grating. Like his outfits. Well, now Common is speaking out (to Ad Age, appropriately) about how he's totally keeping it real by selling product placement spots in a video for his new song called—wait for it—"Universal Mind Control." Tell us, how dead is irony?:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Hip Hop aficionado and dolphin short enthusiast Russell Crowe took to the rough and tumble streets of Beverly Hills to pick up the latest mix CD from his favorite rapper, Supa Soaker. The Body Of Lies star asked Supa Soaker if he sells his mix tapes and CDs on line as a direct digital download. Crowe believed it would increase Soaker’s audience and it would be a lot easier to put onto his iPod. Crowe said, “Mr. Soaker and myself know that Beverly Hills is full of hardcore hip hop fans, but I believe he’s limiting his commercial appeal by focusing primarily in this area. Now, if he was on MySpace or the Friend Book, he might have more fans.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.