Blackface Jesus ain't never gonna let you down.

It's Friday, playas, meaning it's time for our favorite game, wherein we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites, freshly-cooked and ready for consumption. After the jump, let the verbal stylings of Joey Arak guide you through the heart of darkness.

DJ Jess prefers to think of his brand of sex appeal as "painful."
It descended upon the Lower East Side like a locust to a wheatfield or a bedbug to your mattress: Fat Baby, the latest bar to hit Rivington Street and provide shelter for the awkwardly hip and the tragically Jersey. The multi-floored venue, which is gargantuan by neighborhood standards, hosted its Nouveau! party on Wednesday night, so we forced staff stalkerazzi Nikola Tamindzic to turn his lens on downtown's latest midweek warriors. After the jump, more calculated hipness than you can shake a stick at.

As it turns out, two of the constantly recurring stars of Blue States Lose are actually REAL HUMAN BEINGS named One-Half NelSon and Elaine Van Hoorn. What's their story? Says Elaine:

So what if The Washington Post got scooped on its own ur-story a few months ago, when it allowed Vanity Fair to beat it to outing Mark Felt as Deep Throat? The paper is still breaking all sorts of news (even as its star investigative correspondent keeps secrets from its editor for years at a time).

Funny: After we read the Times article about the overly precious artist's "combine" around Bushwick, we kinda thought the same thing.

You know the shtick: Blue States Lose sorts through the photos of fucked-up hipsters posted at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so that you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. Enjoy.

This morning's Times reports the mildly terrifying news that Walmart, in a bid to expand its consumer base into slightly classier folks, has begun selling high-priced jewelry on its website.

It's Friday, children, meaning it's time for Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. After the jump, Joey Arak's list. Enjoy.

It's time for the latest installment of Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel (NEW!) so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. Enjoy.

It's time for our weekly installment of Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel (NEW!) so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday.

We were first drawn in by the Newsday headline — "Williamsburg Residents Decry Subway Track Work" — which we found intriguing because we had difficulty imagining Williamsburg residents mustering the energy to abandon their habitual ennui and decry anything, least of all track work.

Last week, the blogosphere mourned the passing of one of its most beloved sons, Tale of Two Cities. But dry your dorky eyes, children, because its most popular feature, Blue States Lose, has come to Gawker.

Click to enlarge.

It's more tragedy from the Fashion Week front: Last night's Surface to Air/Estuay/Tokion mag party was crushingly shut down, forcing hundreds of greasy, hip folk to evacuate the Gallery on Elizabeth. And with nary a Cobrasnake photog in sight!

If Merlin Bronques of Last Night's Party wants fabulousness to reign, then reign it shall. A little catastrophic death and destruction ain't going to stop the pulchritudinous orgy, you know?

Oddly enough, not the guy who does the scary spoken word at the end of "Thriller." We kid! Say hello to Jason, owner of the Dark Room.