Every day, this city—and especially this city's metered transportation—will invent interesting new ways to kill you. This is actually one of the more traditional ones: a cab crashed into a horse-drawn carriage on the Upper East Side this afternoon. [Gothamist]

Every publication enjoys the "pleasure" of hearing from their readerships often, but especially from crazies, who love to write in. Today, someone's helpful ideas for the beleaguered, layoff-happy New York Observer, involving Jews, horses, and the "Heroic Destiny Squad."

The city's Conflicts of Interest Board released a big bunch of documents related to the personal finances of various city officials yesterday, a list that included Mayor Michael Bloomberg, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, Comptroller William Thompson, and Betsy Gotbaum, the city's public advocate.

Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe, who gave birth to his two oldest children, Prince and Paris, says that she was impregnated through artificial insemination using sperm from an anonymous donor. Thus, she compared herself to a thoroughbred horse.

So you know how PETA is trying to get rid of horse-drawn carriages in Central Park and replace them with electric vehicles? It turns out that the initiative isn't just ridiculous, it's pretty fishy, too. Michael Gross points out today that the "prime mover behind the latest anti-horse gambit" is none other than parking garage tycoon Steve Nislick, the CEO of Edison Properties, who produced a brochure last year touting the Model T plan and projecting "a windfall for the carriage industry from the sale of its multi-million-dollar stables." Team up with PETA to get rid of the horses, force the stables to sell their property, and then convert the decrepit buildings into gleaming garages. This Nislick is clever! [Gripebox]

Animal rights activists have been trying to ban horse-drawn carriages in Central Park for several months now. (For some reason, they think the practice amounts to animal cruelty.) But now they've come up with an alternative: They're proposing that the city replace the horse-drawn buggies with replica of Model Ts. Tourists visiting from Iowa will still get to feel like they're stepping back in time, and because the vehicles will be powered by electricity, it'll be entirely eco-friendly, too! Aside from the grim aesthetic implications—"the sound of clopping hooves is one of the only aural pleasures available on the edge of the oasis that is Central Park," Michael Gross points out today—and the fact the proposal would put hundreds of carriage drivers out of work, PETA has managed to line up support from attention-loving City Councilmember Daniel Garodnick, who now says he plans to put the matter before the City Council this spring.

John Edwards mistress and new age nut Rielle Hunter had her humble beginnings under a different name: Lisa Druck. Growing up in Ocala, Florida (I've been there: grass, trees, Spanish moss, springs, that's it), her favorite pastime was riding show horses. But a tragedy befell her horse, and Druck eventually ended up as a drugged-out party girl in New York. Could this dark incident involving family, crime, and equine assassination have been the thing that eventually drove Rielle Hunter into the eager arms of John Edwards? If you're a new-age theorist like Hunter, the answer is a resounding "Yes!":

Listen, we know you're all excited about the news of InBev's $46 billion bid to buy Anheuser-Busch. But have you considered the possible side effect? Fewer beer ads! A-B spends half a billion dollars a year on commercials, and another $300 million on sports sponsorships. But InBev—the maker of fey non-American beers like Stella Artois—is run by Belgian cheapskates who do comparatively little advertising at all. Watch out, Budweiser Clydesdales, Spuds MacKienzie, and American sportsmanship: foreigners are coming to destroy you!

Tit-and-chicken-wing purveyor Hooters has signed on as the exclusive sponsor of Big Brown, the star racehorse that has already won two legs of the Triple Crown, and will try to complete the feat this weekend at the Belmont Stakes. UPS, the brown-themed shipping company that was was originally the sole sponsor of the horse, inexplicably allowed Hooters to slide in just before Big Brown is set to achieve the pinnacle of its publicity. In addition to being a bad PR decision, UPS' move has now subjected us all to the prospect of Jay Leno (and, less painfully, Tracy Morgan) chuckling about Hooters' upcoming "Big Brown Day":

You like to play with the pretty horses? Step away, until you pony up some cash, ha. High profile horse racing has become an entirely corporate marketing-driven spectacle, where horses are sponsored by UPS and owned by hedge funds. The big sponsor of the Kentucky Derby is YUM Brands, owner of Taco Bell and KFC. Who could embody the noble spirit of galloping stallions better than the nation's leading purveyor of Mexican Pizzas? Anyhow, YUM's CEO, David Novak, found out the perils of sponsoring an event with live animals when a horse up and died on the track at the Derby last weekend. With no idea what was happening, Novak stepped up moments later and gave his little speech plugging his company, which has proven to the world that he hates dead ponies:

The Kentucky Derby is coming up. You don't know shit about racing. But you love betting on things! Who to wager this weekend's drug money on? Allow Jeff Johnson and Pavement's Bob Nostanovich to help. [Vice]

Horse-riding is dangerous. Deadly even. Especially when uppity commoners are involved! Mark Phillips is the coach of the US Olympic equestrian team. He has so far killed three team hopefuls this season with his "challenging" new jumping courses. This very much upsets his ex-wife, Princess Anne. "Phillips is about to be crucified as the halfwit menace," said one British journalist (according to Page Six). The problem is that Phillips isn't royalty, even though he was married to a Princess for a while, and only royalty can properly manage this exciting and deadly sport. We don't know if this is good or bad for Lou Dobbs' daughter Hillary, who is sort of American Royalty, isn't she? Thankfully, the world is still eradicating the horse menace. After the jump, terrifying footage of just how dangerous horse-riding can be.

In Great Britain earlier this week, the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals stumbled upon a veritable horse death camp—"dead horses everywhere," according to one rescuer, with 32 bodies "as well as emaciated survivors, many covered in excrement, mud, scrapes and cuts at Spindles farm, at Hyde Heath, near Amersham, Buckinghamshire. Three more had to be shot because of their condition." It gets worse!

The news that the Upper West Side's Claremont Riding Academy, a stable and horseback riding school at 89th and Amsterdam, is closing imminently after being sold to a developer—perhaps as soon as this Friday—is a blow not only for uptown riding princesses (just think how much more painful their virginity-losing will be!) but anyone else who enjoyed taking one of the horses out for a little Central Park wandering. As a correspondent reports: