Michaela Kennedy Cuomo, the seventeen-year-old daughter of New York governor Andrew Cuomo, was found unconscious in her bedroom at her Westchester home on Wednesday, the New York Daily News reports. She was hospitalized for a short time thereafter.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized this morning after he had trouble breathing. He's undergoing tests, but his staff claims he's okay and that his asthma is just acting up. Christie is reportedly overweight.

Charlie Sheen threw a party at his home last night. It ended this morning when he headed off to the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. Partying with five women at once is only for the healthiest of men, clearly.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner will have surgery to remove a kidney stone, instead off just passing it. It must be enormous.

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah is the worst. "Bomb Iraq," he tells us one day, "bomb Iran" the next. What a jerk! And now he's rented himself an entire New York hospital wing to recover from surgery, while everyone else dies.

Jimmy Carter has been hospitalized in Cleveland after experiencing health problems on a flight.

Former Haitian presidential candidate and Fugee Wyclef Jean has been hospitalized for "stress and fatigue," in addition to "headaches." The simple fact that those are all often euphemisms for more scandalous conditions should not be construed as meaning anything. [Billboard]

Dick Cheney has been released from his most recent hospital stay, alive.

There's been no new news out of cagey superflack Leslie Sloane Zelnick about Mariska Hargitay's hospitalization for a collapsed lung, but her Law & Order: SVU costar Richard Belzer is finally speaking out.

According to Access Hollywood, Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. A Defamer tipster who works on the set of Hargitay's Law & Order: SVU says there's more to the story.

Patrick Swayze misses TCA's Beast panel, hospitalized for pneumonia. [THR]

Zac Efron down! We repeat, teenybopper heartthrob Zac Efron is down! The High School Musical star was rushed to hospital today to have his appendix removed. Efron is recovering nicely, and has agreed to sign the mostly useless, prone-to-rupturing tissue for an eBay celebrity-organ auction, where it's expected to fetch a large sum earmarked for The Children's Appendicitis Fund. [TMZ]

The shocking news that Dave Chappelle briefly checked into a local emergency room this weekend for "exhaustion," the go-to publicist excuse for suspiciously hospitalized celebrities far, far below the comedian's talent-grade, will in all likelihood invite knee-jerk speculation that another head-clearing trip to Africa is in the offing. But take heart, fans: long unburdened of the dehydration-inducing demands of huge amounts of basic-cable money, Chappelle merely succumbed to the punishing physical effects of his legendary, marathon stand-up sessions, a problem that shouldn't recur once he tightens up his set to to a more manageable three-and-a-half hours.