In a new interview aired Monday, former tiny child and current attractive adult Elián González said he’d like to visit the United States, specifically for the purpose of giving you love.

Remember Elián González? The six-year-old boy who was apprehended from a relative’s home in Miami in 2000 and sent back to Cuba by American federal agents? Do you recall what he looks like? Well it doesn’t matter, because he’s hot now.

Last week, in probable violation of several medical privacy laws, the Harvard Crimson's weekly magazine, Fifteen Minutes, published its inventory of the university's "15 Hottest Freshmen."

Debrahlee Lorenzana, the hot banker who claimed Citigroup fired her for being too hot, is back in court, this time suing Quest Diagnostics for botching a blood test.

You probably know that CNN completely and utterly blew it today, in the most embarrassing way possible, by reporting not "what happened" but, actually, the exact opposite. But did you know that it's all the fault of a super-hot news-babe? BuzzFeed's Michael Hastings explains in his piece about how stupid everyone at CNN is feeling:

The fine folks at My Daguerrotype Boyfriend are celebrating President's Day the only appropriate way: by posting pictures of our hottest commanders-in-chief. Clockwise, from top left: Teddy Roosevelt (during his time rowing crew at Harvard); Teddy again, as a Harvard freshman; William McKinley as a Union soldier in the Civil War; Rutherford B. Hayes; Abraham Lincoln's son Robert Todd; and a 16-year-old James Garfield. Feel free to post your own presidential favorites in the comments.

The world is quickly tumbling further into hell, thanks entirely to a crisis of Washington's own making, but Capitol Hill is celebrating its favorite holiday of the year today: the release day of The Hill's annual "50 Most Beautiful" list!

This video comes from Jimmy Kimmel's post-Oscar special. "Jimmy K" owns a gym that promises to get you fit by well, humping. Cameos include: Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Emily Blunt, Jessical Biel, Kelly Ripa, and more!

Sure, they all kind of stumbled over the corny jokes written by the Late Show staff, but that's not really the point, is it? Enjoy the eye candy.

Sure, the most-talked about moment of Saturday night was Mark Zuckerberg's awkward exchange with Jesse Eisenberg during the opening monologue. But did Zuck have an entire sketch written around his behind? I think not.

Which of these congressional freshmen is your favorite in terms of looks, which as we all know is the only characteristic by which to judge a person? Your chance to weigh in is below.

There are so many new members of Congress this year — and some of them are even attractive, by Washington standards! We've studied them all and plucked only the "sexiest." And your Gawker editors have scored them, to boot.

Republican Congressman from Nevada

Joe Heck is the official "Silver Fox" of the 112th Congress' many freshmen sex monsters. How does he preserve that handsome gray streak so well? You non-silver people will never know.

[Computer-Generated Idealization of a Human Male Cristiano Ronaldo takes off his shirt after Real Madrid beat the LA Galaxy 3-2 last night in LA.]

Let's take a look back at the week that was, a hot week full of hot topics.

Scott Brown's hot daughter (this one, not that one) will spend summer break modeling.

Ladies and dudes alike are going crazy over sexy not-gay politician Aaron Schock. And we've covered the Republican congressman extensively due to his hotness, thus supporting science's new theory that hottie politicians get more media coverage.

Hot banker Debrahlee Lorenzana and her new legal adviser—lawyer to America's starfuckers Gloria Allred—filed a complaint today against Citibank, which she says fired her for being too hot. Naturally, this required a new photo op—this time with tears.

Hottie banker Debrahlee Lorenzana—who says Citibank fired her for being too hot—has switched lawyers because "sex positive women's rights lawyer" Jack Tuckner recently faced sexual harassment allegations of his own, over a sadomasochistic spanking scandal involving his secretary.

Tabloid sex talker Andrea Peyser has been hearing nothing but "Hottie Banker" this and "tits on a stick" that and "hot female bodies are calling you, Andrea" for weeks now. She's sick of it. Where's the respect for large breasts?