Democrats are pushing this scary new ad about lobbyist-loving golf whore John Boehner, the House minority leader who could become Speaker. But is Boehner well-known enough to be an effective bogeyman for the Democrats this fall? Probably not.

John Dennis is the Republican who'll lose to Nancy Pelosi this year. Here's his new Wizard of Oz-themed web video, which is just insane enough to merit our free advertising. Keep pourin' that Freedom Water on the Pelosi Witch, guy!

Lazy Congressmen don't even return from summer vacation until tomorrow, but somebody's already pretending to kill them. The Capitol was evacuated today after a powder was discovered on the House floor. It wasn't toxic, however; probably just some staffer's blow.

Beautifully tanned House minority leader John Boehner strangely went off-message on CBS' Face the Nation yesterday, by apparently agreeing to Barack Obama's plan for extending certain Bush tax cuts. What is wrong with him?

The Democrats will need complete party cohesion to pass Barack Obama's extension of all Bush tax cuts except those for the top two income brackets. But now, predictably, Sen. Ben Nelson and other Democratic "centrists" are voicing their bullshit opposition.

Three Republican congressmen who appear in the news occasionally — Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, and Kevin McCarthy — are releasing a book called Young Guns, referring to themselves. They must be important! So who are these sexy, cavalier, conservative idea-machines?

Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, the sarcastic freshman known for going on MSNBC to insult Republicans everyday, has released a surprisingly earnest TV ad, in which children build up to a rousing "Alan Grayson saved our schools!" chant. It's slightly over-the-top.

Last night, American politics changed forever: hilarious sex dingbat Ben Quayle successfully purchased a congressional primary victory in Arizona, with father Dan Quayle's credit card. Hear that, smearmongers? Don't ever question the Scion of Quayle again.

It's primary day in Arizona! And a nation wonders: Will hilarious, pseudonymous porn scribe Ben Quayle, Dan Quayle's weird kid, overcome the adversity and win his congressional primary? Who knows! But he's enlisting daddy's help for a final push.

Former Chicago Congressman Dan Rostenkowski, a tough, behind-the-scenes dealmaker who chaired the powerful Ways & Means Committee for 13 years and ultimately served 17 months in prison on felony corruption charges, has died at 82. [Image: AP]

Former Vice President Dan Quayle's son, Ben, is running for Congress in Arizona, where he lives with his imaginary children. Remember how Dan Quayle was famously airheaded? Well, as Ben's campaign progresses, it's becoming obvious that he inherited that gene.

The House was back, briefly, from its month-long vacation today for a quickie vote on a $26 billion jobs bill. It passed! But then Rep. Charlie Rangel made members stick around for another half-hour, to yell about his innocence.

Congresswoman Maxine Waters was charged with three ethics violations today, including a breach of the rule that members "behave at all times in a manner that shall reflect creditably on the House." Enforcing this rule could be a slippery slope!

The House will "likely" break from its month-long vacation to take a vote. Poor souls.

Rep. Charlie Rangel's ethics trial is officially old news, now. Why? Because we might just be getting a second House Democrat's ethics trial soon, for longtime congresswoman Maxine Waters. Why can't these busybody ethics investigators just play it cool?

Popular paranoid congresswoman Michele Bachmann, founder of the House Tea Party Caucus, must've caught her somethin' terrible last week, for she was hospitalized Friday! What liberal virus crept into her? No one knows, but hey, she's recovering nicely.

The subcommittee investigating Rep. Charlie Rangel has recommended giving him a "reprimand"—a firm slap on the wrist, essentially—for his numerous terrible ethics violations, as opposed to the harsher "censure" or "expulsion." So anticlimactic! [Image: Getty]

Rep. Anthony Weiner's incredible rant last night, directed at Republicans for killing a health bill for 9/11 responders, landed him a Fox News appearance this morning alongside his specific GOP target, Rep. Peter King. More hilarious (but interesting!) bickering ensued.

New York Rep. Anthony Weiner went nuts (again) last night, after Republicans blocked a health care bill for victims of 9/11 toxins over bullshit "procedural concerns." Is screaming in Congress like this inappropriate? Who cares! Enjoy.

So Rep. Charlie Rangel was unable to finalize any sort of settlement today before the House ethics committee revealed and read the violations (13!) against him, publicly. Does this mean the window has closed, and a trial's inevitable?