Earlier today, Intern Alexis deemed Stacey Harris and Daniel Maman winners of this week's Altarcations competition, largely on the strength of their Ivy League pedigrees and despite the fact that they're both from New Jersey. But third-place groom Matthew Slonim isn't taking his loss quietly! We received the following ALL-CAPS telegram-stylee comminiqu from one Howard Slonim, father of the groom. (Also, we're 99.9% certain that Mr. Slonim is also the head of the Lower East Side Business Improvement District; the one who expressed ambivalence about granting additional liquor licenses in the area. Boo!) Anyway, it's possibly the most awesome email we've ever received!