You know that wives' tale about oral sex causing cancer? Turns out it's true, if the genitals in your throat have HPV, the vaccine-preventable virus that also causes cervical cancer.

Michele Bachmann pushed her criticism of Rick Perry's executive order mandating HPV vaccinations of young girls to the furthest frontiers of predictability today, by labeling it "Perrycare." There is just nothing worse in a Republican primary than having the word "care" applied to your last name. That's not a joke! It should be, though. Shouldn't it? Maybe one of these days.

During Tuesday night's Republican presidential debate, Michele Bachmann attacked Texas Gov. Rick Perry for signing an executive order requiring teenage girls to be vaccinated against HPV, claiming the vaccine could cause mental retardation. Like most everything else she says, Bachmann was completely wrong. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart and Kristen Schaal hilariously took her to task for it.

Ayelet Waldman, the author who loves her husband Michael Chabon (bestselling author of The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay and other homoerotic boy-lit) and simply hates her kids, went on to her Twitter account this morning and, in an effort to speak out against Michele Bachmann's anti-HPV vaccine mutterings, shared too much once again.

Michele Bachmann finally found an attack line to wrest ultraconservative support from Rick Perry last night: That he mandated vaccinations against HPV for "innocent little girls," by executive order, to help his campaign contributors. Good for Michele!...??? But it's the anecdote about the vaccine leaving one girl mentally retarded that really makes this somethin' else.

Killer vaccines! Sex-crazed kids! Lower cholesterol! Sickening papayas! Laundry cancer! Healthier milk! Brain scans! Marathon beer! And fatty fat babies who need a little shove in the right direction! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dishonestly!

A new study examining rates of Human Papilloma Virus—the virus that can cause genital warts, as well as certain kinds of cancer—infection found that as many as half of men in the general population could be infected. In their genitals!