Lecherous bisexuality victim Ashton Kutcher reportedly attempted to win back the affections of his fair maiden Demi Moore by gifting her with a $100,000 Lexus just two days before International Demi Moore's Birthday Day, celebrated the world over on November 11.

[This is a four-day-old zedonk standing with its mother at the Chestatee Wildlife Preserve in Georgia. A zedonk is 50 percent zebra, 50 percent donkey, and 100 percent CUTE. Photo via AP.]

Scientists working on sequencing the Neanderthal genome have discovered that 1 to 4 percent of most people's DNA is inherited from Neanderthals, proving that even back then most people were sluts who would really just sleep with whoever. [CSM]