When undisclosed circumstances of a personal nature prevented I Know Who Killed Me star Lindsay Lohan from fulfilling her promotional duties on the Tonight Show yesterday, the program's harried bookers turned to chameleon actor Rob Schneider, whose seamless transformation into the troubled starlet was so convincing that the studio audience seemed to have no idea that anything was amiss. Meanwhile, an embattled, post-arrest Lohan, beset on all sides by those willing to believe every lie spewed by the publicity-hungry Santa Monica Police Department before hearing her version of the story, reached out to the last fully adequite person in this accursed town: Access Hollywood b.f.f. Billy Bush. Her Blackberried words, as always, will move you: