Remember the L.A. U.F.O.? Turns out, it wasn’t aliens, it was just the Navy blowing up a piece of hardware expensive enough to have lifted thousands of families out of poverty. (Or... it was aliens.)

Do you remember the mysterious lights that floated over Manhattan last week? The "official explanation" was that the UFOs were "wedding balloons" from the so-called "town" of "Westchester." Well, guess what, sheeple: The same lights just showed up in Texas.

The King of Pop, in his infinite grace and wisdom, has returned to the mortal realm by making his face appear in an ultrasound of fetus inside a British lady's uterus.

Sadly, former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich cannot participate in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, because "here," for him, could be a penitentiary. But his reality tv dreams are not yet dead!