Last night's American Horror Story went where even 1984's notorious, depraved and once-protested Santa slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night wouldn't: It featured a man in a Santa costume assaulting a nun, punching and whipping her in the ultimate S&M roleplay of secular and religious reasons for the season. The full scene, in which Deadwood's Ian McShane plays a maniac exacting his revenge to Jessica Lange's Sister Jude for keeping him in solitary confinement, is above. Usually American Horror Story, which is so fucking great and trashy this season, merely goes over the top: here it goes over the top and through the chimney.

Jack the Giant Killer, from X-Men director Bryan Singer, is the latest in a string of classic fairy tales darkly adapted for the screen. The problem with these is that they try so hard to avoid the kiss of box office death that is the for-kids-and-adults genre, that they end up being a silly, self-conscious incarnation of the anti-family flick and up looking like a Twilight afterthought, aesthetically anyway. And thus we have Jack, a retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk featuring Nicholas Hoult, the kid from the British Skins.

Here's a teaser/promo for the upcoming fourth movie in the shoulda-ended-at-one Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, On Stranger Tides, featuring Johnny Depp in character as Dr. Jack Sparrow, talking about the fountain of youth and Penelope Cruz.

Well, exit the Kings. NBC has moved its lush, sweeping, and increasingly good dramatic experiment from its valuable Sunday night slot to Saturdays, where it will play out its remaining eight episodes, then die. Sad.