Tina Fey's Liz Lemon abides by a diet that is notoriously unhealthy, and often on the outer boundaries of "food." She famously received a false positive on a pregnancy test after gorging on "Sabor de Soledad" cheese-puffs, a fictional Mexican snack made with evaporated bull semen. She composed a song dedicated to "night cheese," the cheese she ate on her couch at night. In the episode "Sandwich Day," Lemon eats tinfoil, because it is acting as a barrier between her and a sandwich.

Flora Burkhart was driving home, presumably from the grocery store, when she rear-ended Derek Parker, who was just minding his own business in a turn lane in the middle of otherwise quiet, peaceful and picture-esque Van Buren, Arkansas. Parker gave chase and police eventually found their way to Burkhart's home, where total chaos ensued. There were shootouts and helicopters and hostages and...actually, there was none of that. What happened was Burkhart calmly informed the officers that, "I left because I didn't want my ice cream to melt," which, as excuses go, is pretty good. The officers cited her for leaving the scene of an accident and for following too closely, and then everyone went home and ate ice cream and lived happily ever after.

The good-natured doofuses from that remedial nighttime math class you took sophomore year, Burger King, have unveiled summer's latest punch line: a sundae that is both filled and garnished with bacon: "The Bacon Sundae."

You would think that we Americans have conceived of every possible ice cream flavor on Earth. The ice cream aisle at your local grocery store occupies 40 percent of the total floor space, and that's before you get to all the Turkey Hill shit at the end of the aisle that's on sale because no one wants it. Famous ice cream shops like The Ice Cream Store have come up with flavors like Bacon, Booger, Mountain Dew, Caramel Popcorn, Motor Oil (which really does taste like motor oil), White Wine, Sweet Corn, and more. And fancy pancy restaurants love to present you with all kinds of ice cream with crazy ingredients like fennel dust and foie gras and eye of newt and whatever the fuck else makes them sound innovative.

It makes sense that purveyors of topical ice cream Ben & Jerry's would want to cash in on the nation's love for New York Knicks standout Jeremy Lin. But their hastily made "Taste the Lin-Sanity" flavor may have been created in bad taste. (Figuratively speaking. Racist or not, it sounds delicious.)

There is no better way to ruin someone's holiday than to arm their children with the tools to endlessly annoy them. Here are some suggestions.

Occupy Wall Street and its satellite movements have their first show of corporate support: Ben and Jerry's, the Vermont-based ice cream purveyor and a subsidiary of the Unilever corporation, posted a statement of solidarity on their website.

If you grew up on the East Coast of the U.S., you've likely dined at a Friendly's restaurant in your lifetime, and very possibly more than once. It was the depressing, suburban chain restaurant that was a little less depressing than the others, mainly because the promise of an ice cream sundae — the "Happy Ending," as their menu dubbed it, sweetly oblivious to any vulgar connotations such a term might imply — awaited you after every overcooked hamburger and soggy tuna melt.

People are always getting upset about things and boycotting products and usually it's very dumb. There are two cases in point today: First, a conservative group wants Ben & Jerry's limited-edition "Schweddy Balls" ice cream boycotted, and then Glenn Beck is against revolutionary jeans.

Summer flies by too fast. One second you're sweating on the front porch, watching neighborhood kids skip through open fire hydrants and eating soft serve cones covered in heroin-strength prescription painkillers — the next, it's Labor Day, your white pants are useless for another eight months, and the Staten Island ice cream guy is doing three-and-a-half:

It's the middle of summer, which means two things: It's hot and you want to eat a bunch of bad food. What better way to indulge your hunger and beat the heat than by looking at a bunch of pictures of our favorite frozen summer treats? We dare you to not go in search of the nearest ice cream truck.

[Image via JPhilipson's Flickr]

An ice cream shop in Missouri has been asked to stop making cicada ice cream after the health department found out about it. It wasn't such a big concern for the store, though, since Sparky's Homemade Ice Cream sold out of its only batch of the nasty stuff the day it debuted.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert lamented the fact that Ben & Jerry's gave Jimmy Fallon his own ice cream flavor, ending Colbert's late-night talk show host exclusivity. So, he declared war—and Fallon showed up. Jon Stewart, too!

An ice cream shop in London has sold out of its "Baby Gaga" flavor, which is made with vanilla pods, lemon zest, and human breast milk purchased from a local mother. I love ice cream, but... no.

A London ice cream parlor called "Icecreamists" has introduced a "pure, organic, free-range and totally natural" new flavor: Breast milk. Well, actually, the flavor is a kind of lemon-vanilla, but the cream is made from breast milk. Human breast milk!

To celebrate being released from a mental hospital, Gucci Mane got a giant face tattoo of a three-scoop ice cream cone with lightning bolts shooting out of it and the word "Brrr." But why?

A Manhattan Mister Softee ice cream truck driver named Oner Ismail was fined $350 for picking up five drunk people and driving them to a club, making that Mister Softee truck the best gypsy cab of all time. [NYP; image]

Today we bid those trendy food trucks adieu. Naturally this saddened many people, and there was much eulogizing. But only one mourner really got to the tragic heart of the matter.

Italian ice cream maker Antonio Federici has been ordered by Britain's Advertising Standards Authority to stop running an ad featuring two "sexualized" priests about to kiss "passionately." Last month the company ran ads featuring a pregnant nun (also banned).

Breaking: Andy Rooney is still a nearly unintelligible curmudgeon! Tonight on 60 Minutes, Rooney launched into a random rant about dieting before he declared that he plans to lose 20 lbs. before Halloween. Uh, by shaving his eyebrows? Video inside.