“Bitches ain’t shit.”

In January of 1991, producer/rapper and then-N.W.A. member Andre “Dr. Dre” Young attacked hip-hop journalist Denise “Dee” Barnes in a nightclub. If you hadn’t heard about the incident going into F. Gary Gray’s N.W.A. biopic Straight Outta Compton, which hits theaters in two weeks, you’d leave the theater none the wiser. It’s never mentioned.

The writers of Jeopardy are good at a very certain thing, which is researching and writing a series of questions that tests both the depth and breadth of your knowledge. They are also bad at a very certain thing, which is making up names for fake rappers.

Ice Cube does one thing very well as an actor, and nothing's going to stop him from doing it, whether the line is "Sometimes I get angry, so suck a dick!" or "Lavender body wash makes my pores tingle."

Imagine you're driving around in your mustachioed car when suddenly the phone rings and it's Conan and he's wondering if he, Ice Cube, and Kevin Hart can hitch a ride with you to go buy some weed and 40s.

Last Friday, Murk Avenue's Donovan Strain changed the internet with a rigorously-researched theory: the "good day" of Ice Cube's 1993 classic "It Was a Good Day" took place on January 20, 1992. But did he get some facts wrong? Mike B. of Lahatiel enters the most important intellectual debate of the 21st century with a new hypothesis: Ice Cube's good day was November 30, 1988.

Is it too late to give a Pulitzer to Murk Avenue's Donovan Strain? Because if figuring out the exact day on which Ice Cube had a good day (as described in his 1993 classic "It Was a Good Day") isn't Pulitzer-worthy, I don't know what is.

Here's Bill O'Reilly and Bernie Goldberg, arguing about who is the the most white person on the planet, and who is a "brother," based largely on who can accurately distinguish between two famous black men. I had a long rant planned about how embarrassing and irritating it is when white people play the "who's whitest" game, and all the bullshit ignorant assumptions built into it, but I think Ice T really gets to the heart of the issue in this tweet:

Tory Burch turns 43 today. Former governor Mario Cuomo is turning 77. Helen Hunt is 46. Neil Patrick Harris is turning 36. Courteney Cox is 45. Fashion designer Douglas Hannant is turning 47. PR agency chief Richard Edelman turns 55. Socialite Bettina Zilkha is turning 50. Gallerist Marian Goodman is 81. Former Yankee Andy Pettitte is turning 37. Hedge fund manager Raj Rajaratnam turns 52. Ice Cube is is 40. Leah Remini is turning 39. Porn star Mary Carey is 29. And Project Runway Season 2 winner Chloe Dao turns 37 today.

Troublemaking "gangsta" rapper Ice Cube made a video taking aim at white-collar wrongdoers like Enron and Halliburton, then promptly partnered with another white-collar, white-run wrongdoer, Microsoft, which has been punished for antitrust violations on two continents and has fomented a virtual army of haters. The business deal, which includes software for Ice Cube's new internet TV network, is quite a turn for a rapper who started out in the late 1980s with raps like "Fuck the Police" and "A Bitch is a Bitch" before moving on to albums in which he called white people "devils," Korean storekeepers "little chop suey ass[es]" and basically issued repeated calls for the overthrow of various levels of government. Of course, Ice Cube and Microsoft executives do share a certain disdain for U.S. law enforcement authorities. After the jump, the press release announcing Ice Cube's hard core partnership with "the Man" of the computing world and an excerpt from his new video, in which Ice Cube name-checks Allah and makes fun of corporate criminals like the one he just went into business with.

· Bad news for those who were aching with anticipation over Tom Cruise's turn as the cutest little would-be Hitler-killer in all the German army: United Artists and MGM are pushing Valkyrie's release date back from the Fourth of July holiday weekend until October. The official reason cited for the move is the need to find a new location for a pivotal, still-unshot battle scene, not a desire for the skittish studio to get the film as far away from summer blockbuster competition as possible. [Variety]
· Live Free or Die Hard, National Treasure: Book of Secrets and Evan Almighty keep their miniscule Oscar hopes alive by making the shortlist for the Academy's visual effects award. [THR]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Jeff Garlin at an "Up With Kirk!" rally.

At an event to promote his new album at Tower Records yesterday, Are We There Yet? and Welcome Back, Kotter star Ice Cube shared a laugh with two deputies from the LA County Sherriff's office, obliging their request that he join them in a rousing rap-a-long to NWA classic "Fuck Tha Police." At first, things were slightly awkward as one of the unformed deputies had to teach Cube how to throw a gang sign while the other gently reminded him that there is actually no "er" at the end of the expletive contained in the "Ice Cube will swarm on any muthafucka in a blue uniform" lyric, but soon the joyful noise of onetime fearsome rapper and law enforcement joined in harmony filled the store, delighting dozens of patrons. Unfortunately, things turned suddenly chilly when one of the officers tried to pitch Cube his idea for a buddy comedy, a breach of Hollywood ettiquette that prompted the offended actor to mutter, "Send your script to my representation" and abruptly turn his attention to the next customer in the signing line.

Who among us wasn't thrilled to hear that Ice Cube, the rap artist behind such hits as "Get Off My Dick and Tell Yo Bitch to Come Here," and "Fuck Dying" would be taking over the beloved title role in the movie adaptation of Welcome Back, Kotter. Gabe Kaplan, the original Kotter, told Access Hollywood Cube "is the perfect guy... He has shown what kind of crossover appeal he has." Even the original Horshack, Ron Palillo, was approached for comment; after jokingly suggesting he "should play Mr. Woodman," he then managed to put a swift, awkward end to all the nostalgic fun with this downer of a story:

The dry, cracked riverbed of Hollywood inspiration has once again turned to the seemingly bottomless well of beloved sitcoms for creative irrigation: We can now look forward to our fond memories of Welcome Back, Kotter being irreparably soiled on its journey to the big screen, Variety reports, with the no-brainer casting of gangsta-rapper-turned-beloved-star- of-forgettable-family-comedies Ice Cube producing and starring:

[Ed.note—We've gotten so many e-mails asking if we'd heard about Lee Tamahori that we're bumping this post from yesterday afternoon up to the top of the page. Is it really so hard to scroll down, people? A small update also follows the original item.]

Former AK-wielding rapper and currently cuddly Are We There Yet? star Ice Cube jettisoned CAA almost a year ago, ostensibly spending the intervening agentless months adrift in a sea of infinite career possibilities. But according to Variety, the siren song of the William Morris Agency has lured Cube's rudderless rowboat ashore, no doubt with lilted promises that they will make sure the Ice Cube space stays meaningful for years to come. Showing their dedication to nurturing the entire Cube industry, WMA will also take on responsibility for his recording and touring careers, which should provide import revenue streams should they resist the impulse to sign their new client up for career-stunting, abandoned Vin Diesel franchises.