A bill that's been introduced in the Texas state legislature would finally, at long last, put an end to illegal aliens taking American jobs. If any of you Texans think you can get away with hiring an "unauthorized alien" on the cheap, this bill would make that punishable by up to two years in prison and a $10,000 fine. Is that clear enough? No hiring of illegals! Although there is one small loophole in the bill: "Unauthorized alien" domestic workers, like maids, caretakers, lawnboys, and so on, would still be totally legal to hire.

On Monday, a jury in Tucson found former beautician Shawna Forde guilty of killing nine-year-old Brisenia Flores and her father Raul in a bizarre paramilitary raid on the Flores home in 2009. Forde, the leader of a group called "Minutemen American Defense," is what you might call an anti-immigration activist, if you include murdering fourth-graders under your definition of "activism"; two years ago, she and two of her fellow "minutemen" burst into the home of the Flores family, apparently looking for drugs that they planned on using to fund their creepy military games, and shot Raul, Brisenia, and Brisineia's mother Gina. Gina survived by playing dead and later testified against Forde.

In the wake of a federal judge's ruling that parts of Arizona's crazy immigration law are unconstitutional, the state has decided to sue the federal government for "failing to secure the border." The nation collectively rolls its eyes. [KTAR]

According to a new report, less than one percent of the U.S.-Canada border has an "acceptable level" of security. Mounties could be invading as we speak! Do you want your children listening to the Tragically Hip? Build a wall now!

I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of people are becoming citizens without "respecting our immigration laws" or "following the rules." These people are called babies. And Sen. Rand Paul (R - Ky.) is doing something about them.

After blowing $1 billion on an electronic "virtual fence" along the border with Mexico, the Department of Homeland Security yesterday finally ditched the $7 billion project in favor of surveillance drones and human patrols. Bravo, DHS. Money well spent. [NYT]

Remember that old white guy who turned into a young Asian guy mid-flight? It was an attempt by a Chinese immigrant to illegally enter Canada. 8 people have been arrested for allegedly helping him sneak in for around $45,000.

Eight people were arrested in Hong Kong over the guy who disguised himself as an old man to get into Canada.

Did Salma Hayek just solve the polarized war over immigration? By admitting that she, too, was once an undocumented worker, Salma clearly enunciated the vital role of immigrant workers who happen to have sexy breasts.

The U.S. State Department's green card lottery this year drew a record 15 million applications for 50,000 available green cards. Which means this lottery's odds are approximately 150,000 times better than the New York Lottery's odds . [WSJ]

No longer content with the occasional on-screen cameo, television's "The Incredible Hulk" Lou Ferrigno has joined an armed posse of 55 volunteers in Arizona, led by racist Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, to hunt down illegal immigrants in the desert.

California Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman can't figure out what to think about immigration reform. But she knows how she feels about her former housekeeper, an undocumented immigrant: Deport her! Well, I guess it'll keep her away from Whitman's sons?

The billion-dollar high-tech "virtual fence" on the US-Mexico border is a worthless failure.

Puffy, halo-haired hypocrite xenophobe Lou Dobbs is absolutely outraged that The Nation would correctly report that he employed illegal immigrants as workers at his various palatial estates. What—do they want Lou Dobbs to start racial profiling?

The immutable laws of universal karma dictated that this would happen: former CNN shouting head Lou Dobbs, America's most prominent anti-immigrant xenophobe, had illegal immigrants working for him.

The Obama administration deported a record 392,000 illegal immigrants in the past year. Take that, Arizona.

A photograph of these three Latino men is featured prominently in Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron Angle's race-baiting new campaign ad. Do they seem familiar? Maybe it's because another Republican already used the same exact photo in his ad.

News Corp. head honcho Rupert Murdoch testified on Capitol Hill today about the need for immigration reform that includes a path to citizenship for current illegal immigrants. Sounds good, kangaroo man! Why not explain this to your Fox News?

A 54-year-old Parisian is either a modern Casanova, a fraud, or the French incarnation of the "anchor baby" bogeyman. He claims to have fathered 55 children, each with a different foreign-born, welfare-collecting mother. Expect this story on Fox News tonight.

Americans: what the hell are we eating? Sometimes we wonder that, as we idly stuff any nearby foodstuffs into our maws while in a glassy-eyed, dreamlike state. The problem: we hate immigrants, but love food. What to do?