After Paris's lesson that "pokey" refers to more than just something you do with a Greek dude after the clubs close became a complete media clusterfuck, it was probably inevitable that Nicole Richie's legal drama would feel like sloppy seconds. Sure, her crime was more interesting — doping up her cramps like they were Corey Haim, and then getting duped by Glendale's otherworldly freeways — and there's that pregnancy wrinkle, yet her sentencing still had a been-there, done-that feel. And now comes news that she could even end up enslaved to the same burly, unwaxed inmate:

Destroying our secret hope that Paris Hilton's surrender to authorities would take place following a high speed chase in which the desperate heiress piled her menagerie of neglected pets into her Maybach and made a bold sprint for the Mexican border, it seems that Hilton's last moments of freedom played out relatively uneventfully.