Byron Smith waited in his basement with energy bars and bottled water. When the boy and girl snuck into his house, he stood his ground. Fired. Again. And again. Over their bodies. Over her screams. Then he delivered a five-minute vigilante tirade over the corpses. We know this, because he recorded it all:

Bloodshed was averted and a bunch of freedom-loving, gut-hanging-over-the-brass-belt-buckle, self-styled militia men declared victory Monday in a major armed standoff with federal and local officials over one bubba's right to graze his cattle on taxpayer land in Nevada.