In one of the most simultaneously bleak and fawning ten minutes of television I have ever seen, former candidate for Vice President of the United States and current off-brand Fox News (OAN) personality Sarah Palin interviewed everyone’s favorite screaming steamed carrot, Donald Trump.

Anyone obsessed with the disappearance of Flight MH370 knows the name of Jeff Wise, a private pilot and science writer who has frequently appeared on CNN to track new developments in the search for the missing plane. Today he’s here to chat with Gawker readers about his personal theory—detailed in a 95-page Kindle Single and excerpted in New York magazine—for how the passenger jet vanished without a trace on March 8, 2014. It involves bogus flight data, Russian hijackers, and a remote facility in Kazakhstan (among others things).

Actress Keira Knightley agreed to pose topless for an Interview magazine feature on one condition: She didn't want her body modified with Photoshop.

Since 9/11, the NYPD has transformed itself into a mini CIA in an effort to fight terrorism. Associated press reporters Matt Apuzzo and Adam Goldman have admirably exposed the NYPD's intrusive, and possibly unconstitutional, secret surveillance program in a series of articles that won them the Pulitzer Prize. Their new book, Enemies Within, details how NYPD basically treats the entire Muslim population of New York City as potential terrorists—mass-surveilling mosques, deploying undercover "rakers" to snoop on random hookah bars, restaurants and cafes—with negligible results and less oversight even than the NSA's spying programs. To promote the book and refute the NYPD's pushback, the duo today released a cache of documents related to their investigations.

We've called him a "seed-spilling sex creep," a "pale nerd king," and "a real-life The Matrix extra," so we figured it was about time to talk to Wikileaks founder and megalomaniacal Bond villain Julian Assange. In order to promote his new book, Cypherpunks: Freedom and the Future of the Internet, Assange agreed to a phone interview on the condition that we speak only about the book. I agreed, which was a lie.

Stanley Thornton Jr., America's most prominent Adult Baby, is, in his own words, an open book. He became an internet sensation last year with his first TV appearance on National Geographic's Taboo after the episode featured the 30-year-old drinking from a bottle and getting his diaper changed. Just week's after the show aired, Stanley was investigated for Social Security fraud. (He was later cleared of all charges.) Almost a year to the day later, Stanley returned to TV on an episode of TLC's nightmare factory, My Crazy Obsession.

The American Nazi Party has registered its first-ever Capitol Hill lobbyist, a 55-year-old South Carolina paralegal named John Taylor Bowles. Bowles chatted with us by phone from his Greenville-area home (he will commute to D.C.) about his legislative goals, the time he ran for president, and his desire to work with Joe Lieberman.

After publishing an article advising his children to avoid black people, writer John Derbyshire lost his column at uber-conservative magazine The National Review and weathered a firestorm of outrage this weekend. Nonetheless, after undergoing his regularly scheduled chemotherapy treatment for Chronic Lymphomatic Leukemia this morning, an unperturbed Derbyshire agreed to a Gawker Q&A. His only request: That we publish his answers exactly as he wrote them. We agreed, and have not edited him.

After discovering that the Fear Factor episode in which they chugged mugs of donkey semen and urine had been canceled, twins Brynne and Claire Odioso called into Tampa radio's Cowhead Show to describe their harrowing ordeal. Shortly thereafter, Brynne told me by phone today, NBC-Universal told her to STFU.

Welcome to the first installment of Worker's Comp, chronicling the paper cuts and perforated esophaguses of your fellow working man. Suggest interesting injuries by emailing maureen@gawker.com.

On tonight's Late Night, Elton John stopped by for a chat with Jimmy Fallon. When the topic of John's songs being covered—on American Idol, for example—came up, he celebrated it, while simultaneously bashing "assholes" Kings of Leon.

On tonight's Factor, brand new birther Donald Trump chatted with Bill O'Reilly about Iraq, Iran, Libya, and that dirty socialist Barack Obama. Trump's solution for the Middle East? 1) Stay there, 2) hoard the oil, 3) ???????, 4) profit!

South Park masterminds Trey Parker and Matt Stone have recently become the toasts of Broadway, with their new musical Book of Mormon receiving rave reviews and selling tickets like crazy. Lucky for us then that Mr. Stone found the time amid all the theater mania to sit down and have an online chat with us.

Interview, America's premiere source for transcripts of famous people talking amongst themselves, reaches surreal new heights in this month's cover story. With the help of music editor Dmitri Ehrlich, a nearly-sentient rice noodle named Paris Hilton interviewed rapper Lil' Wayne. Among the topics of discussion: The celebrities' respective incarcerations, Wayne for his latest weapons and narcotics charge, and Paris for driving drunk on a hamburger run.

On The Tonight Show, new—and better than expected—Dancing with the Stars contestant Kirstie Alley appeared for a chat with Jay Leno. Things were all well and good, until Leno got creepy/pervy regarding Alley's Dancing partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Last August, when Brian Williams visited David Letterman on the Late Show, Letterman expressed his concern over Williams' plans to do The Tonight Show. Tonight, in a cranky/endearing way, Letterman blasted Williams for appearing on "the goddamn Leno show."

Tonight, Charlie Sheen stopped by Piers Morgan Tonight for a surprise—live!—interview. And while the entire thing was not to be missed, certain quotes of Sheen's stood out more than the others—here's a compilation of the best ones.

Here's a local news interview featuring Tommy, a Hazelton, Pennsylvania resident whose house had just burned down. That's sad! Tommy's insane—and I mean insane, child—level of drunkenness, however? Well, that's just plain hilarious. "I'm gonna get racial!"

On tonight's Late Show freshman Tea Party Senator Rand Paul stopped by for an interview. On the whole, the discussion focused on politics—specifically, education, government spending, and tax cuts for the rich. Naturally, the two men disagreed.

Charlie Sheen gave a ranty interview today to conservative radio host Alex Jones while he vacationed in the Bahamas. In less than 20 minutes, Sheen claimed he cured his alcoholism "with my mind," referred to his porn star lovers as his "goddesses," called out his imagined opponents—"fools and trolls"— in macho-baroque soliloquies, and insulted Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre in anti-Semitic fashion: "I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre). He's a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I'd never want to be like."