“Do you know who I am?” is never a flattering way to refer to oneself.

Earlier today, in Taiwan, the smartphone company HTC held its annual investor's meeting. HTC's stock price is in the toilet. Investors are demanding: hey, how about a free phone?

"Bear Stearns is not in trouble!" Jim Cramer, CNBC's bug-eyed "Mad Money" host who is to finance what Carrot Top is to comedy, shouted last Tuesday. "Don't move your money from Bear! That's just being silly." The immediate reaction to seeing his advice in the wake of Bear's collapse is: what an idiot. But really, his advice was not bad! Cramer—a famously bad prognosticator—noted that Bear would, at worst, be taken over, meaning those who had money with the firm would have their investments guaranteed by a more deep-pocketed buyer. Which is exactly what happened when JPMorgan bought Bear over the weekend. Note that he was not speaking about Bear's stock price [last Tuesday: over $60. Now: toilet paper]. What have we learned? Only Wild Jim Cramer can stop the collapse of the American economy. Click to watch the crazy savant's ill-fated harangue. [via WJNO]

"It's a great day," newly-minted CEO Sam Zell says in an email to his "fellow investor" on his first day heading up Tribune Company. Mixing his metaphors and going for grandiose, Zell anounces an era in which the Tribune saves not just your soul but our nation's as well. "We will take intelligent risks and reward innovation," he says. "We will tear down bureaucracy and reward entrepreneurial spirit. We will compete fiercely but with integrity." We will use anaphora! We will! We will! We will! Email after the jump.

There are eight investors in the perpetually blooming West Village celebrity hotspot The Spotted Pig. We bet you'd like to know who they are. This unfortunately-headlined Observer piece and a little research did the trick: