Well, I guess vice is my beat now. So, what do we have here? Oh, just an Ivy Leaguer advertising herself on yet another escort site, reports IvyGate.

Princeton's new residential college, Whitman, has a new plan called "Thesis Buddies," IvyGate reports. Sounds innocent enough, but what does it mean? Hint: "This is going to devolve into hand jobs really quickly," writes a tipster. Unlike being a fraternity pledge, where the payoff is that you'll eventually get to join a fun frat house, being at a senior's beck and call as a "thesis buddy" seems to have no immediate payoff. Oh, well. Senseless, ritual abuse has always been a pastime of the ruling class. (Memo follows.)

Julia Allison, the provocative but usually dignified sex journalist, really needs to think twice about inviting former Harvard "Duchess" Erica Birmingham to her 27th birthday party, and not just because the photo of Birmingham drinking Bud Lite in a tank top that surfaced earlier today. A classmate of Birmingham, who once shared a villa with her in Mexico, wrote in about her notoriety on campus, including "awesome or terrifying" parties involving midgets and dirty parrots. Her email — UPDATE: plus Birmingham's response and another email — after the jump.

Former so-called Harvard Duchess Erica Birmingham sent us an email, in which she displayed remarkably good humor. She also sent, at our request, a non-beer pic! "Saw your post about me and that random (and admittedly bad) picture. I actually had no idea Julia Allison wanted me to come to her birthday party so thanks for letting me know! And, all it cost was some generic insults in a public forum. For the record, I know that article in The Crimson is pretty ridiculous, and I'm not quite the hero of the Gawker class, but I am surprised to generate so many page views." We asked her what she was up to these days, and she gave us an update!

We noticed that Julia Allison somehow dug up an old Crimson profile on Erica Birmingham, alumna/Duchess of Harvard, for whom Ivy life was "an all-pink, Champagne-drenched party of her own invention... She's a character, quite literally. She checks into hotels under the name Rosalind Connage, the debutante from F. Scott Fitzgerald's 'This Side of Paradise.' When she buys clothes online, she has her parcels delivered to "Duchess Erica Birmingham." And, her father is the former President of the Massachusetts Senate! All that and more, according to the article Allison dutifully re-posted to her blog, with the footnote, "ERICA: CONSIDER THIS AN OFFICIAL INVITE TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY." Cute, but a tipster sent us a pic of young Erica in her heyday. Do you really want this girl at your party? We thought it was supposed to be a classy affair!

Princeton agrees, and is crafting its own gap-year program. It'll send some of its newly-admitted students away for a year, to do "social service." Ew, social service? Like with poors? What about getting stoned in Amsterdam instead? Charitably, the university "would not charge tuition for the year abroad... Proponents of the year off say it allows students to discover themselves and the world before they enter college." [NYT]

We all know those distinguished students of Ivy League colleges aren't having any sex, just writing about it constantly, but are they partying? Yes. Yes they are, according to this chart created by Dartblog. At least they are at Dartmouth, which is miles ahead of the other schools in terms of alcohol infractions per thousand students. Which actually probably means that the Dartmouth administration is just way, way more dickish about it than the rest of the graphed colleges. [Dartblog via IvyGate]

A smut-toy purveyor advised Yale students to try some kink (it's for the "smarter, more imaginative types") in a shameless plug for his company during Yale's Sex Week. Then, a violent pornographic film was shut down during screening. Audience members maybe-possibly enjoyed it, according to the Yale Daily News, before pointing out it was disrespectful to women or whatever. (Actually, we're pretty sure that Ivy Leaguers are already familiar with the concept of power exchange—if not now, then definitely after their first year at JP Morgan or Cravath, Swaine & Moore).

Mind thievery at Brown University! A couple of rascally student reporters at the college's daily paper stand accused of lifting material from the Yale Daily News and Harvard's Crimson. (We're assuming there's no point in cribbing from the Cornell paper.) New York Times ethicist Randy Cohen dispensed a little sage advice there in December, telling a very interested crowd that taking Adderall to keep up a GPA was basically fine. "You can't be unethical all by yourself," he said. Great-like the world needs more overly-ambitious tweaked-out fabulists. This is Brown's third incident of plagiarism in as many months, and something like the tenth at an Ivy League school in the last year. Do Ivy Leaguers stretch the truth more than their counterparts? Who are the fibbiest kid reporters in the country? After the jump, a map of collegiate plagiarism scandals from the last few years.

Oh my God, guess what? An Ivy League education may not be the key to success, riches and true happiness after all! Recent Dartmouth grad Jennifer Krimm's Sunday piece in the Washington Post has earned her IvyGate's totally righteous ire. Kentucky public school kid Krimm is an Arabic-speaking Fulbright scholar and former White House intern, and she's pissed that all that resume-packing and bootstrapping hasn't landed her an appropriately impressive job. How dare America do this to her?

What with Super Tuesday and the Super Bowl parade going on yesterday, how to decide what to watch? It's enough to flummox an Ivy Leaguer! "Having two events with the word 'Super' in them is confusing," Columbia student Julie Schneyer told the Daily News. "Frankly, I'm voting for the Giants." Haha, politics is boring. We feel the same way sometimes. But then again, we're not President of one of the most vocal political activist groups at Columbia.

Editor & Publisher is reporting that Harvard's student newspaper, The Crimson, has endorsed Barack Obama and John McCain. The press says this is big news, because as everyone knows, Harvard students (and Ivy Leaguers overall) are much much smarter than everyone else. If you were backing the other guy, sadly, you're a moron.

The founders of Vineyard Vines hit it big a few years ago with a clothing line given a leg up by by fancy-nancy John Kerry's ability to pull off a pink whale-dotted tie on the campaign trail. Seems they've gone and started a thing. Prepster-chic Salmon Cove was founded by four Cornell grad s (three of whom played pro hockey afterwards) and their lone James Madison University friend (wait-listed, don't you know, poor thing.) For sale on the Upper East Side at CK Bradley, their stuff (seven whole shirts and a couple of jackets so far!) is tailored for those interested in "a life well-lived," which is code for 'loaded and not afraid to show it.' In a stroke of semi-genius, the Salmon Cove kids stuck their company's insignia under the collars of their polo shirts, necessitating a little power collar-popping in order to properly whore the "lifestyle-inspired" brand.

Cornell University is training its janitors in the fine art of spotting suicidal college students! "These kids are looking to us to provide care," one such eagle-eyed custodian tells the Wall Street Journal today. "But they don't see administrators every day, they see me." The maintenance worker noticed she was cleaning up one student's vomit on a regular basis and reported the girl might be suffering from an eating disorder. Okay Cornell, we know you're all sensitive about your famous Suicide Ridge and we applaud your efforts at challenging the standard of university mental health care, but come on now! Interfering with the crusade for the perfect spring break Cabo beach bod is just not cool.

Skanky (but well-educated!) identity thieves Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, arrested last week for stealing the identities of their Philadelphia neighbors, do not lack for balls. After being booked, the two went home to the condo—and the neighbors they robbed—to hang out until it was time to get re-arrested on additional charges. Kirsch's parents are both plastic surgeons—and guess what Daddy bought his college kid for Christmas a few years back? Implants, naturally! This year, the two would prefer a deal from the D.A., pretty please.

A young Philadelphia couple, recent graduates of UPenn and Drexel, have been arrested for a serious identity theft spree. Working copies of many of their neighbors' keys were found in their apartment, along with passports, cash, credit cards and forgery paraphernalia. Police are characterizing the two as "the Bonnie and Clyde of identity theft," which seems a bit classier than they deserve. What kind of plunder did they piddle away their expensive educations for? Ikea furniture and $1,700 hair extensions. If you're going to go to jail for forty years, aim a little higher: Wal-Mart's got some seriously choice futons.

Fastest way to ensure that your Ivy League college newspaper's office rent undergoes an exorbitant administration-mandated raise over the holidays? Assemble an entire issue containing practical tips for how to survive the next four booze-soaked years of your life as a Dartmouth College undergraduate and make sure it comes out the week before your admissions office sends out early acceptance letters. [The Dartmouth Online]

This ad has already been deemed too douchey for Craigslist, but it is still apparently making the rounds at Harvard, from whence it (supposedly) emanated. "My final club has a reunion this fall, and my relationship of two years ended disastrously earlier this summer. I have an invitation for myself plus one, and am willing to show you a great time. It is a private party, in an extremely classy setting. There is no real way to describe how ornate the club is, but I guarantee that it will be the most upscale experience of your life." Oh, sign us up! But not so fast. This gentleman has some pretty stringent requirements.

A junior at Yale named "Nick," who lives in the Residential College Timothy Dwight, sent around an email this week to a bunch of Yalies with some course descriptions. It's a helpful guide to anyone looking to coast his or her way through that fine school in New Haven; it's also useful simply as a reminder of How the World Works (connections, and gaming the system). Also worth noting: Even if you're going to be an investment banker, taking Macroeconomics is never a good idea. The full email—extremely long, extremely worth it—follows.

IvyGate breaks USNews' dumb embargo on their newest list of Best Colleges. Seriously, an embargo? WHY DO YOU PEOPLE CARE? Oooooh, Dartmouth fell two places! OMG! Cancel that donation! [IvyGate]