Heidi Montag says Adam DiVello touched her plastic body inappropriately. The Larry-King-had-sex-with-his-sister-in-law drama continues. Cindy Adams loves Jersey Shore. Charlie Sheen shaved his head and Kate Hudson got a boob job. Thursday's gossip wants its old body back.

Even as we text more with each passing month, we find ourselves wondering why exchanging sentence-long, misspelled emails has become the preferred mode of flirting for anyone under 40. Texting sucks for flirting; the Tiger Woods-Jamiee Grubbs messages prove it.