Jay Mariotti, a childlike former newspaperman and celebrated asshole, was once a reviled sports columnist. Then he left the media for a three-year "vacation." Now, he's back with his own website. His hilariously inept attempts at promoting it are sure to be its very best feature.

In your villainous Thursday media column: forcing Larry King back into your ear, temporary silence from Jay Mariotti, Jeff Zucker never stops droning on, and early morning TV gets even earlier.

In your pleasant Thursday media column: Jay Mariotti is an asshole, Teens can't read, checks are bouncing, and more:

Idiot manchild Jay Mariotti, who quit a highly paid job as a Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist in order to find work at one of these "web sites" he's heard so much about, has a job!

It's a Chicago media tussle—hardball style! Yes, well. The Chicago Sun-Times threatened to sue the Chicago Tribune for job discussions the Tribune had with Jay Mariotti, the sports columnist who quit the Sun-Times just last month. But, um, hey Jay: didn't you quit your LUCRATIVE NEW contract at the Sun-Times out of the blue because you were inspired by all the other sports journalists you saw "writing for web sites?" Where's your "web site" now, you idiot man-child? Ahahaha!

Childlike man Jay Mariotti has resigned as a sports columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times after 17 years. This was probably a wise move, because he is hated by Chicagoans, Cubs fans, White Sox fans, sports fans, athletes, his own colleagues, and readers in general. But no, he's not going into the hair care industry; he's had a revelation that sports journalism has become "entirely a Web site business." Oh. Lord: