So much of editing is matching a writer to a story: Tennis player and super fan David Foster Wallace on Roger Federer. Ex-Wall Street trader Michael Lewis on the financial crisis. And, now, in this week's New Yorker, deadbeat father and alleged ass-play aficionado Jeffrey Toobin on the right to control one's Google results.

Eric Holder "told me that he will leave office sometime this year," Jeffrey Toobin writes in the latest issue of The New Yorker. Holder, the first African-American attorney general in U.S. history and a favorite punching-bag of conservatives, has long been rumored to be on his way out at the Justice Department.

In the past week, we've witnessed the post-9/11 era's most comprehensive set of stories about the extent of the U.S. government's secret domestic spying programs. It's front page news worldwide. It's sparked a national debate over privacy and security. And some of our nation's most useless political pundits could not be more bored.

In case you missed him on CNN, Fox News Channel, Good Morning America, The View, The Joy Behar Show, The Rachael Ray Show, Dr. Phil, and The Gayle King Show, Dan Abrams has written a new book about how people who don't have penises wash their hands more than people who do have them. As of last week, it had sold 6,169 copies, according to BookScan.

Each year, around this time, dozens of celebrities fan out across America and descend on college towns in the middle of nowhere to deliver the same tired cliches to a group of hungover college students. Who are these people?

We have given CNN's Jeffrey Toobin a hard time for getting his mistress pregnant and then being a deadbeat about it. But turns out he was a gentleman from the start. Hell, he even offered to pay for the abortion.

Once the floodgate to CNN anchor Jeffrey Toobin's sex life opens, the revelations don't stop. On Sunday we figured out the "vile" fetish the Daily News dared not name was probably anal. Now, news on the kiss-and-teller's identity: Judith Regan?

Jeff Toobin's fetish is too-hot-to-print. Outing Anderson is a national pastime and Barbara Walters has more sex than you do. If gravitas, hairspray, and that thousand-mile teleprompter gaze are your thing, here's your dossier for meth-smoking, anal-fisting, camera-loving news anchors.

In the Things We Want To Unlearn department, we have now heard what the Daily News couldn't print in today's Rush & Molloy item about CNN anchor Jeffrey Toobin's sexual advances towards a "well-known media figure."

File in the "epic gossip items department." Because, you know what, Boris and Natasha-esque New York Daily News gossips Rush & Molloy? I really don't care much for a gossip item about CNN talking head Jeffrey Toobin, but...

• Reed Elsevier is planning to sell a bunch of publications, including Broadcasting & Cable, Publishers Weekly and Multichannel News. [THR]
• Rodale's president and CEO, Steve Murphy, has resigned. [Gawker]
• Disney reports third-quarter profit fell 26 percent from the same quarter a year ago. Sony posted a loss for the quarter, as well. [AP, Reuters]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia reported a loss, but beat estimates. [NYP]
• TLC's been having a pretty good year, in case you haven't heard. [LAT]
• Amy Poehler is coming back to SNL. Just part-time, though. [Vulture]
• Maria Bartiromo has locked in a new five-year contract with CNBC. [VF]
• Dustin "Screech" Diamond's tell-all memoir will be published, after all! [NYO]

Author/New Yorker writer/CNN pundit Jeffrey Toobin turns 49 today. Duly elected United States Senator Al Franken is turning 58. Actress Fairuza Balk is 35. Lisa Edelstein from the TV show House turns 43. Judge Reinhold is 52. Ron Isley of the Isley Brothers is 68. Hairstylist Ed Tricomi turns 57. Manhattan Media CEO Tom Allon is 47. Porn star Briana Banks is turning 31. And Laurence Tureaud (better known as Mr. T) celebrates his 57th birthday today.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] April 28 @ 10am Saw Casey Greenfield's alleged baby daddy J Toobin carrying a very lawyerish-looking briefcase/computer case. He is quite petite.

Media gossips wondered whether Casey Greenfield, daughter of CBS News political reporter Jeff Greenfield, was pregnant with the child of CNN's Jeffrey Toobin, an otherwise married man. The baby, a boy named Rory, is now born, but Toobin told Page Six he still has "nothing to say" about the child.

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]

Jeffrey Toobin, the married CNN legal reporter, could very soon have a child with his rumored mistress, if the woman's friends are correct.

• Whoops! Jeremy Piven was seen eating a mercury-laden plate of tuna tartare and calamari salad last weekend, although his publicist is now denying the account. [MSNBC]
• "Insiders" say that Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi did not, in fact, marry because they were hopelessly in love, but because it was all part of a deal to stir up some publicity and the two even had a contract drawn up. Our faith in romance has been crushed! [NYDN]
• How did the press know Chris Brown was in Miami with Rihanna last weekend? He told them so, silly. In related news, Rihanna is reportedly refusing to testify against him (even though prosecutors plan to move forward). And Brown is scheduled to be arraigned today, although it's unclear if he'll make a courthouse appearance. [P6, NYP, People]
• Jeff Toobin changed his Facebook status to "Married" yesterday. That'll clear everything up! [P6]

CNN analyst, New Yorker writer, alleged affair-haver, and big Facebook fan Jeffrey Toobin recently updated his Facebook status to "married." He's actually been married for years! Click through to see the outpouring of interest:

"My friend sat near Jeffrey Toobin on the way out to San Francisco on Sunday evening. Scotch and soda was his beverage of choice," reports a tipster. Can't say we blame him for indulging a bit given the news that emerged over the weekend.

It's been a rough few weeks for CNN. Ratings have falling fast, especially for primetime programs hosted by Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown, news that came to light the same day Brown rather bizarrely confessed her apartment had been invaded by "toxic mold" in recent months. To make matters worse, this past weekend the Daily News revealed that Jeffrey Toobin, CNN's very-much-married legal analyst, has been having an affair with the daughter of former colleague Jeff Greenfield, and may have even gotten her pregnant, too. So how is CNN CEO Jon Klein responding to the bad news?