The increasing legality of marijuana means one thing: Pot is very easy to buy and no longer cool to do. To fill this thrill-void, our country's idiots are turning to insane substances like krokodil, bath salts, jenkum, meow meow and now flakka, transforming into psychotic murder machines in the process. Or so local news would have us believe.

In a video for Jenkem magazine, skateboarders Sean Colello and Rob Miceli took their talents to a host of abandoned locations ranging in decrepitude from "charming fixer-upper" to "American Horror Story opening credits." Somehow, they made it out alive.

Did you hear? Teens are getting dangerously drunk by soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them up their butts. Or, wait, are they getting dangerously drunk by drinking Four Loko? Or maybe they're getting dangerously high huffing human poop? Or are they having dangerous sex at Rainbow Parties?

More exciting news for the music industry: last year, 48% of all teenagers purchased zero CDs [LA Times]. That's up from 38% in 2006. Yes, more kids are buying music online, but not enough to make up for the drop in CD sales. And illegal downloads are also becoming more popular. The Times worries that "Going to the mall to buy music may no longer be a rite of passage for adolescents." So what are all the teens doing with their free time now that they aren't wandering through Sam Goody in search of the latest Christina Aguilera album? One word: Jenkem.

This week has been totally "surreal" for flower-wearing Aussie intern Camille Hayton. First her apartment burned to the ground, forcing her to wear one of her mom's dresses to this morning's "Good Morning America" taping. Then Vimeo employee Patrick Moberg saw her on the subway and made a website about it, but though the site quickly became a "worldwide internet sensation," it didn't come to her attention, she said, until someone "that I work with at BlackBook" mentioned it to her. They met last night for coffee and "totally clicked," so, in spite of Patrick's online avowal that "you'll have to make up your own ending for this," they went on national TV this morning to... show the world that you should believe in flowers and rainbows and romance? Or: To raise the profiles of their employers, Vimeo and BlackBook—or their own brands? We'd like to posit that believing the latter theory doesn't make you a cold-hearted cynic so much as it makes you a sentient human being.