Problems of Brad Pitt, Part 2. Can he live? No. The New York Post reports on a book coming out detailing Brad Pitt's recent troubles. Among them: Brangalina's divorce-bound, because Angelina Jolie's psychotic. Also: Jennifer Aniston's totally a paranoid stoner.

Tila Tequila's crazy domestic abuse squabble: drank and puked out by the D.A., while Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga's peener. Presenting: your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Can Farrah Fawcett's jailed son attend her funeral? Is Coolio's next fantastic voyage to jail? Does Johnny Depp watch his own movies? Will Real Housewives of Dirty Jerz (and Kelly Bensimon!) ever go away? How's Walter Cronkite? Let's find out:

Today we visit a bizarre parallel universe where Tom Cruise is president, Lindsay Lohan is showered with gifts and honors and Oscar-winner are expected to be humble.