On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert focused on the so-called "War on Halloween" and the alternative that some Christian activists have been pushing called Jesus Ween, which involves people dressing up like Jesus and passing out Bibles in lieu of trick-or-treating. Colbert argued that Halloween and Jesus actually have a lot in common: "Think about it: Jesus rose from the dead. He's the original zombie, except you eat His body."

Reluctant to have your little ones participate in a demonic (but delicious!) pagan ritual? Then choose to celebrate Jesus Ween this October 31st instead. Jesus Ween is not, in fact, a celebration of Jesus's ween, but rather "a non for Profit Organisation [sic] also known as JesusWin...focused on helping people live a better life."