In truth, the news of this morning's Lindsay Lohan arrest for suspicion of driving under the influence and possession of cocaine-laden pants should be a somber occasion, one where we're forced to reflect upon how fame can corrupt even the seemingly most stable of celebrities.

Of course, that was before the show actually aired, and Abdul's dreary, fame-hungry existence—filled in the Idol off-season with QVC appearances and pointless strategy meetings with a staff who respond with icy, death-stare detachment—was laid out for all the world to see. In the above clip, Paula reacts pretty much as one might expect as she learns that she has been forced out of the Bratz movie she proudly plugged in every interview this year. Dramatic? Perhaps, but where some might see a fourth-rate movie inspired by a line of slutty dolls, Abdul saw in the project a raison d'être outside the karaoke ghetto that has come to define her existence.

You know who needs help? The sad sacks who divulge their personal details in the Times' Sunday Styles section each weekend. It makes sense to read their musings as desperate pleas for help and advice, right? We don't know why we didn't think of this before! (Pot.)

Our final except from "Deluxe," Newsweek culture and fashion writer Dana Thomas' look at how the luxury market went mass market, finds Thomas on a visit to the headquarters of Prada, where she interviews a reluctant Miuccia Prada. "Deluxe," published by The Penguin Press, arrives August 16th.

We are loving "Deluxe," the book about how the luxury market went mass market by Dana Thomas, Newsweek's culture and fashion writer in Paris. Today's excerpt concerns the counterfeit market, from the suburban housewives who sell the goods to their friends at purse parties to the gangs of New York who actually move the merchandise. Obligatory pimping: "Deluxe," published by The Penguin Press, arrives August 16th.

In "Deluxe," Dana Thomas, Newsweek's culture and fashion writer in Paris, writes about how the luxury market went mass market. In this little excerpt, she looks at the swelling and obsessive handbag market—and takes a trip to an Hermes workshop. (By the way, the book is blurbed by both Fareed Zakaria and Richard Johnson! Crazy.) "Deluxe," published by The Penguin Press, arrives August 16th.

So what was Jane publisher Carlos Lamadrid doing in the days before the magazine folded? Why, soliciting ads for the next issue! Which raises the question: What did he know and when did he know it? The answer seems to be: Not much, and not until the very end. Which kinda jibes with what we've been hearing, which is that Jane had, actually, managed to meet all its numbers for the year (subscriptions, ad revenue, and newsstand) early, after an incredibly dismal 2006. So even though the magazine's demise had been rumored for months, if not years, staffers were genuinely surprised that the cleaver fell when it did. Apparently, so was Lamadrid. (Click to enlarge.)

Last week, we dissected a litany of reasons why working at Bauer kind of sucks, although since then we've heard from various employees who wanted to clarify that it's actually just the corporate suits at Bauer that suck, and that most of the rank and file are actually pretty cool and fun to work with. Okay, done! (Though that's usually how it is, we would think.) Then someone emailed us about a Bauer magazine we didn't even know existed, and we learned that sometimes people exist to just make your job difficult. It's true!

Feeling fat, sweetie? You're not alone! It's high summer, and, let's face it, none of us made our target swimsuit weight this year. There's good news on the horizon: calorie labeling is coming for restaurant food, for those of us who are both fat and too stupid to roughly figure that something made out of vegetable oil and animal haunches might chunk you up. Still, this way we'll be able to ensure that our dinner's under 500 calories! For those who need more help than simple salad-eating and state-mandated calorie-counting, here are some handy tips for weight loss. Hey, I lost 15 pounds this summer—ask me how!

You've heard about that Obama girl video, right? Everyone's talking about it. But is it harmless fun or an insult to womanhood's long struggle to be considered equal to men? It's an issue driving a wedge between even the closest of friends—for instance, Huffington Post media critic Rachel Sklar and Star editor-at-large Julia Allison. We've obtained a transcript of a recent (private) clash they had on the subject, and we make it public here because, well, it's very important. Whose side are you on? The answer might surprise you!

We could not be more proud of those whores over at Jezebel, who offered a $10,000 bounty for the best unretouched cover image of a celebrity from a lady magazine. The winner—a doctored Faith Hill job from Redbook—has resulted in a ton of publicity for the fledgling chick site, all of it well deserved. But it got us thinking: On what could we burn ten grand of our publisher's apparently limitless fortune? We've put together a quick list, but nothing seems to quite fit the bill. If you've got an idea for what might be worth $10,000 while garnering us oodles of publicity and attendant traffic, please leave it in the comments or send it to the tip line. Should your suggestion actually be approved by the Publisher himself, we'll buy you a breakfast at Balthazar with some of the cash we're going to skim off the top. (A breakfast made of gold bars!) Can you do better than these?

DJ Samantha Ronson was accused of planting drugs in Lindsay Lohan's car, thereby setting her up for a sting by the paparazzi. (Please, like she would do her girl Lindsay like that!) Ronson's pissed, and suing paparazzi agency Sunset Photo, photo agency owner Jill Ishkanian (whose agency is currently under investigation by the FBI for hacking into US Weekly's computer system), and our highly trafficked friend Perez Hilton. Here's the info; more details as they come in.

Hewlett-Packard announced a color-matching mobile technology yesterday, pitching it as a tool for picking the perfect makeup for a given skin-tone using a color index and a mobile phone. Here are some other uses they considered and wisely rejected.

Fairy tales can come true. It can happen to you! If you're young at heart, mind, and writing ability. At least, that's our takeaway from Park Avenue Peerage blogger James Kurisunkal's account of his meeting with socialite Tinsley Mortimer, who we call Ashley Winksdale now because that's what Lily Allen does. He journaled the moment for New York mag!

Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams claws her way out of the casket this morning to float the following rumor about Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. Apparently, Britney wants Kevin back! But there's more!

So we're kind of loving Christine Coppa, the 26 year old who got knocked up and decided to keep the baby and write about it for Glamour. But there's just something about the last sentence of today's column that ... epitomizes a demographic/cultural shift with such economy that we felt it necessary to point and laugh? And that sentence is: "Afterwards, I walked to the L train, exhausted but extra tall and holding my bump."

Baby's First Photo Shoot [Glamour]

The classy way that Bauer handled the shuttering of Cocktail—hiring four people to start the day it closed, for one thing!—made us wonder just what else goes on in the offices in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey. You probably already knew that our German friends who run the home of Life & Style and In Touch are as cheap as anything. But what you might not have known was just how cheap. Let's bring on the disgruntled Bauer staffers!

Too squeamish to attend the Captivity premiere party that After Dark Films provocateur Courtney Solomon recently promised would be so debauched that it would likely bring about the total collapse of Western Civilization ourselves, we dispatched unshockable Defamer Special Correspondent on Looking Into The Eyes of Evil and Laughing Nick Malis to Privilege last night, hoping that he would emerge from the ritualistic promotional flaying with enough of his sanity intact to file a report on his experience. Luckily for us, he did survive the ordeal, though not without some psychological scarring associated with prolonged exposure to a carefully coordinated attempt to offend his sensibilities. His report follows, along with a link to our photo gallery of the event (which you can skip to by clicking here, if you're the impatient type.)

As the staffers of Bauer's ill-fated launch were picking up the pieces of their short-lived careers in Englewood Cliffs, they received an inadvertent forward from the mag's editor-in-chief, Maria Lissandrello, that was meant for the eyes of one staffer only. Some context: Lissandrello, unlike many of her staff (several of whom had started only on Monday, when the magazine shut down), was quickly installed at Women's World when Cocktail folded; she had been at First for Women before. Yeah, we get them confused too. The correspondence after the jump. (Later today, we'll have more on why you should think twice about accepting a job offer from Bauer. But for now, enjoy!)

The Post has a little fun at Cosmo's expense today, listing ten of the magazine's most common "boundary-pushing moves" and asking a collection of New York men how they feel about the sex tips. Not consulted? Our very own resident "sexpert" My Cock. We ran the list by him and got his reaction.