Here's Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman later tonight, either stoned out of his mind or just medically catatonic (or both). Letterman makes several heroic efforts to politely prompt Phoenix before ruthlessly mocking him.

Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley told CNN's Wolf Blitzer his magazine didn't mean to put Michelle Obama "on a pedestal" with its new cover. Um, OK.

Surely this year's Oscars telecast is enshrouded in more secrecy than any other. WHO will be appearing? WHAT will they be doing? HOW will the trophies be distributed? (We think we actually cracked that one.)

It's amazing that people still think they get a do-over on the Internet. Weight-loss consultant Renee Stephens blamed her husband's boorish behavior on ABC's Wife Swap on "stress" — then unpublished her pseudo-apology.

It's always the question when a husband goes bad: How could the wife not know? Massachusetts officials say Ruth Madoff took $15.5 million out of husband Bernie Madoff's firm shortly before his arrest.

Yuli Ziv, an internet marketer, has for some reason decided to form a "guild" for fashion bloggers called Style Coalition. The idea is to be as toothless and sold-out as fashion magazines.

When rumors broke that T.R. Knight was performing career surgery to extricate himself from Grey's Anatomy, we know some commenters thought, "Shoulda been you, Katherine Heigl." Well, guess what: now it is!

A New Jersey judge has revealed the secret to calling someone a "douchebag": Make it clear you're just kidding! That's why the Honorable Menelaos Toskos cleared the author of Hot Chicks With Douchebags of defamation.

Yea, they thought it was so cool to hang out and take bong hits with Olympic champ Michael Phelps. Until the freaking sheriff started arresting everybody for it. Thanks a lot, Phelps.

When you think of "Hot Celebrities Who Provoke Bidding Wars Among Publishers," the first name that springs to mind is "Diane Keaton." Her barely-sketched book idea is sure to recoup all those millions:

Page Six Magazine is folding, but not before they stroke the egos of anyone who could maybe give them a job with this here list of NYC's 50 Hottest Bachelors. Five problematic entries:

It may have seemed for a time that Today fourth hour cohost Hoda Kotb was the drunk of the show. But Hoda has now launched a campaign against Kathie Lee, who's conveniently on vacation.

San Francisco residents Stephen Fowler, a venture capitalist, and Renee Stephens, a weight-loss therapist, disastrously appeared on ABC's Wife Swap, confirming every stereotype one might have about the city's precious, spoiled environmentalists. Boy, they're sorry!

Will Michelle Obama go to fashion week? Designers certainly hope so! And she certainly won't!

Kellogg dumped merman Michael Phelps after finding out he smokes weed, even though everyone knows Frosted Flakes are so good, toasted. Now it looks like Subway—also great toasted!—is making the same mistake. [Update: Subway statement.]

There's been a lot of ink spilled (and swords crossed) over the Sundance hit Push: Based on a Novel By Sapphire. Here, though, is some actual footage—and it's of Mariah Carey's surprisingly capable performance.

Just as you knew would happen, those innocent Christian "EX-MASTURBATOR" and "EX-HOMOSEXUAL" t-shirts have spawned knockoffs. Liberals and their "memes" are so predictable:

Kellogg, in the most boneheaded move in the entire history of all celebrity endorsements ever, is dumping Michael Phelps over his pot photo. Has any brand ever been more out of touch with its customers?

Universal announced today that they're planning a live-action movie version of the game Candy Land. You read that right. Ridley Scott's working on a Monopoly movie. So what boardgames could be next? Let's speculate.

Any armchair economist can sit down today and point out last year's indications of a New Depression. The one he'd likely miss occurred when Isla Fisher nabbed the lead in Confessions of a Shopaholic.