Jimmy Fallon now has no hands that are not injured.

“It’s a thing called ring avulsion. A-V-U-L-S-I-O-N. If you Google it, it’s graphic images. Don’t Google it. But ring avulsion, it’s a real thing...,” Jimmy Fallon said last night, describing the gruesome hand injury that kept him away from his show for two weeks and will now fuel your paranoid nightmares for a lifetime. Jimmy Fallon is a silly clown who enjoys a drink from time to time, but he is absolutely correct: don’t Google it.

A long-time writer for Conan O’Brien went on a quickly-deleted Twitter rant last week about the current late night comedy landscape, resulting in a less-than-flattering response from his boss Sunday.

Unlike former Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper, current Sexiest Man Alive* Chris Hemsworth embraces his sexiness, manliness, and alive-ness by doing silly shit like engaging in a water war with Jimmy Fallon while wearing a thin, white dress shirt.

When well-regarded automobile enthusiast Jerry Seinfeld stopped by at The Tonight Show last night, he did something he hardly does anymore: picked up the microphone and told a few jokes.

In this edition of Jimmy Fallon's ongoing "Famous Song Played with Classroom Instruments" series, British handsome man cabal with angel voices and regrettable tattoos One Direction joined The Roots and the goofy TV host to threaten you with holiday spirit. Santa Claus is coming to town—and he's bringing these scruffy babes with him.

The duo of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon took it all the way back to the summer camp of your '90s childhood last night in a sketch where they landed roughly 1.5 good jokes, one of which was "Remember Third Eye Blind's 'Jumper?'" Pretty good joke.

Steve Carell stole the show from Jimmy Fallon's barbershop quartet, the Ragtime Gals, last night, taking center stage in the a cappella version of "Sexual Healing" that you never knew you needed (probably because you didn't need it).

It's Christmastime in the city, and amid bad Mariah Carey performances and concurrent mass protests spurred by police injustice, little babies are being born to celebrities. The Baby Name Critic, a Lincoln Republican at heart, will focus today on the latter.

Brian Williams and Jimmy Fallon have a thriving musical partnership, wherein Fallon has someone on his staff remix clips of Williams into hip-hop cover songs, and Williams good-naturedly plays along. Once a year or so, Honey Bri-Bri also makes an appearance on Fallon's "Slow Jam the News" segment, where he returned last night to discuss immigration reform.

Seinfeld worked as well as it did largely because Jerry played the ultimate straight man at the center of a cast of weirdos. His character isn't funny without the George Costanzas of the world constantly freaking out around him, and they get funnier the more he futilely tries to reason with them. That's why a solo Jerry Seinfeld really needs Miranda Sings.

Jimmy Fallon's recurring Tonight Show games, like beer pong and musical impressions, are pretty reliable, but only because he doesn't overuse them—he has to mix it up by introducing new ways to torture his guests. Or, in the case of last night's new game, his audience.

U2 have postponed their scheduled week-long residency on the Tonight Show while they deal with the unknown person or persons trying to kill Bono, so Jimmy Fallon booked himself and The Roots to stand in for The Biggest Dad Band in the World last night.

Mike Tyson, of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, was one of the most fearsome Nintendo bosses of any '80s kid's childhood. He hit extremely hard, and it was hard to hit him back. So it's understandable that the real Mike Tyson might be a little nervous to face himself in his 8-bit prime.

Actor Daniel Radcliffe's ongoing quest to get you to stop thinking of him as Harry Potter brought him to the Tonight Show Tuesday, where he revealed his secret passion for fast, acrobatic raps.

What's up with Brad Pitt these days? [Pop] [lock] [extended windmill] [exagerrated shrug], basically. At least that's what Pitt('s stunt double) told Jimmy Fallon('s stunt double) in their interview last night, which was conducted in the form of breakdancing.

Ira Glass, famous voice of This American Life, sent the summer news cycle aflutter when he tweeted that "Shakespeare sucks." "It's as if Mister Rogers has tweeted, 'Kermit's an asshole," he told Jimmy Fallon of the ensuing think pieces and tweetstorms on the Tonight Show.

Last summer, the world reeled at the news that Ben Affleck had been cast as an especially sad version of beloved DC Comics superhero Batman. But with Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice pushed back to 2016, everyone eventually stopped giving a shit. Also not giving a shit: Affleck's three kids.

Chris Pratt, a funny actor you know, first got his start on The WB's Everwood, and the headshot that helped him land that role was one he got by following a man home to his West Hollywood penthouse from the post office.

Andy Samberg stopped by the Tonight Show last night to talk about Brooklyn Nine-Nine and make you jealous of Joanna Newsom and their presumably perfect life together. (Have you seen their house?) (It's good.) While he was there, he and Jimmy played a delightful round of "5-Second Summaries."