Elle creative director (and regular on The City) Joe Zee turns 41 today. Senator Chuck Schumer is turning 59. Miley Cyrus is 17. Good Morning America's Robin Roberts is turning 49. Director and screenwriter James Toback is 65, as is Basic Instinct and Showgirls writer Joe Eszterhas. Sen. Mary Landrieu of Louisiana turns 54. Former Lazard chief Michel David-Weill is 77. TV chef Rick Bayless turns 55. Defense attorney Gary Naftalis is turning 68. Filmmaker Robert Towne is 75. Psychiatrist and author Keith Ablow is turning 48. Comedy writer Bruce Vilanch is 61. And child soldier-turned-bestselling author Ishmael Beah is 29 today.

Now that he's dallied with Sharon Stone, won multiple Razzies, and given the world the immortal line, "It must be weird not having anybody cum on you," what's left for screenwriter Joe Eszterhas? According to the Toledo Blade, the multi-hyphenate has turned to God (and not the sort of "God!" you might moan while having explosive sex with Kyle MacLachlan in a Vegas pool). Having departed Hollywood for the more "wholesome" Cleveland, Eszterhas was taking a walk one day when he became out of breath and had a surprising realization:

When she's not involved in ex-presidential dalliances (allegedly!) and lobbing litigious bombs at the journalists who write about them, Gina Gershon is something of a Broadway dreamer. To wit, the sultry star's more authorized revelation that she's considered adapting Showgirls for the stage. But just throwing a bitchy NC-17 melodrama on the boards wouldn't be enough, naturally, so behold Showgirls: The Broadway Musical: "Originally I had an idea to do that, and I was talking to a couple of people to write it with me," she told Broadway.com. "If it's my version, it would be great. If it's a dumb version, it would be dumb." We really don't see how a smart version of Showgirls is logically possible, and unless it features a showstopping Joe Eszterhas/Paul Verhoeven duet simply called "Tits," we're probably not even interested. Nevertheless, best of luck to Gershon, and may her Vanity Fair score-settling yield the leverage she needs to make Tony-ready magic. [Broadway.com via Film Experience]

With a new book to promote, The Devil's Guide to Hollywood, screenwriter Joe Eszterhas has found himself in the position of being forced to finally come face-to-face with Showgirls, which unfolded not unlike the awkward scenario of a father becoming reaquainted with the inbred, pole-dancing product of a regrettable one-night-stand from the early 1990s. After a screening of the film (which we recently noted is being adapted into a stage musical), Eszterhas was willing to concede that perhaps some of the thunderous-laughter-inducing lines weren't entirely intentional, and offered some forthright, firsthand experience regarding the disillusionment that can so often follow the bedding of your film's glamorous, sex-vixen star: