It's a cliche: the frighteningly out-of-touch congressman, too old and removed from the world to form legislation that could help it. But it's also real life, and watching Rep. John Carter of Texas try to grapple with computer security is funny until it's scary and sad.

John Carter, the instantly infamous Disney bomb and possible co-assassin of Taylor Kitsch's career, sees its home-video release this week. It's kind of worth checking out just for the disastrous spectacle of it all, but if you're busy and don't want to watch two-plus hours of a multi-pronged civil war on Mars (aka Barsoom), which a white man crashes and then out-indigenouses the indigenous people, I've distilled everything you need to know about it. The video above is every instance of people saying the titular character's name throughout the film. They say it a lot. It's branding gone bad.

2012: The year that Hollywood took a chance on Taylor Kitsch and failed miserably. John Carter cost an estimated $250 in production alone and returned about $72 million domestically since its March 9 release. Battleship opened this past weekend to the lowest domestic opening numbers ever for a film with a budget with $200 million or above: $25.3 million. The film cost an estimated $209 million to make.

That movie no one will shut up about is setting new records already — The Hunger Games' $68.3 million opening gives it the biggest opening day of any non-sequel, and the fifth-biggest opening of all time. Midnight showings accounted for $19.7 million of the film's take, which gives you a sense of how devoted fans of this series are.

Epic fantasy flop John Carter is going to cost Disney big bucks: on Monday, the studio released a statement projecting a total loss of $200 million.

The much-hyped John Carter didn't exactly live up to box office expectations, earning only $9.8 million on Friday. Although it stands to take in a more respectable $27 million through the weekend, that's still chump change compared to the $250 million the studio threw down to make it.

The only thing I like more than a special effects-heavy sci-fi action movie set is a special effects-heavy sci-fi action movie where the male protagonists don't wear shirts. Behold John Carter, where stunningly topless Taylor Kitsch fights crazy creatures, little green men, and the hordes of women (and gays) that will be lusting after him once it comes out.

Here's a trailer for Disney/Pixar's (yup) John Carter, a space epic based on Edgar Rice Burroughs's old-timey Barsoom pulp novel series. This is to be Taylor Kitsch's big star-maker, so will it work?