A judge ordered Andrew Young and his wife Cheri to serve up to 75 days in jail for withholding from the court secret copies of a John Edwards sex tape and unknown "other items" that we don't want to contemplate.

A judge might send Andrew Young to jail for lying about his handling of the John Edwards sex tape. It seems the tape was distributed more widely than it should have been, like every sex tape ever.

Eliot Spitzer's once-trusted confidante Lloyd Constantine wrote a book, out next week, about Spitzer's downfall—and Spitzer's none too happy. But it's practically a hallowed tradition to write a tell-all about your famous boss.

The Enquirer reports that your mom's former favorite candidate John Edwards will be indicted very soon. Edwards used campaign funds to pay a lady to not talk about how he put a baby in her.

Conservative opiner Ross Douthat says the weekly may even deserve a nod in the public service category, and that everyone else gets a big fail for not digging into the initial John Edwards rumors — including us.

The Pulitzer Prize Board has allowed the National Enquirer to enter its John Edwards coverage in two categories, according to the Huffington Post, reversing an administrator's earlier objections. "Tabloid trash" has never looked better. Update: Columbia gives a no comment.

• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to go to Vienna so she could accompany creepy billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball. (He brings a different celeb or model to the event every year and pays them $150,000 for the pleasure.) Sadly, Lindsay missed her chance to collect the much-needed cash. She ran up a $22K bill at the airport duty free shop and couldn't pay the bill, and the ensuing drama forced her to miss the flight. So she didn't get Lugner's check, she has $22K in stuff she doesn't need, and her house is even more cluttered. That worked out well! [DM, P6]
• The reason Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night yesterday? Apparently he got into a fight with his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, over the phone and threatened to "take some pills," then she called 911 and an ambulance showed up, and Alec was like, "Ugh, fine I'll go to the hospital," and he spent about an hour in the ER before doctors sent him home. His rep says it was "all a misunderstanding," and it's possible that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, actually prompted Ireland to call 911 in an effort to embarrass him. But Alec didn't make the situation any better when he returned home on Thursday night and "assaulted" a Post photographer who was waiting for him outside his apartment building. [Fox411, NYP, Daily News, Us]
• John Mayer broke down on stage in Nashville on Wednesday, thanked his band for standing by him, and vowed to "quit the media game." Finally! [Us]
• Bill Clinton was hospitalized yesterday after complaining of chest pains. Doctors inserted two stents into a blocked artery and the ex-president is now at home in Chappaqua and "in good spirits." [People]

Elizabeth Edwards, nee John Edwards' wife, is reportedly planning to sue John's former aide Andrew Young because he broke up their marriage. John and Elizabeth Edwards are now both behaving in equally bizarre ways.

• Alec Baldwin was rushed to Lenox Hill Hospital early this morning. What happened? That's still unclear for the time being. Although whatever it was, it couldn't have been all that serious considering the hospital released him about an hour later. [People]
• Did John Edwards propose to Rielle Hunter the same day he finally fessed up to being the father of Hunter's 2-year-old baby? Are they now planning to move into a $3.5 million beachfront home where they'll live happily ever after? That's what the National Enquirer reported yesterday. And it's probably best not to doubt the tabloid when it comes to tawdry revelations about America's sleaziest politician. [NYP, P6]
• John Mayer made a bunch of stupid comments in an interview with Playboy earlier this week. And he's been apologizing for them ever since. [Us, P6]
• A new season of Real Housewives of New York City returns in a couple of weeks and Kelly Bensimon is doing her damndest to remain front and center. She's got a new boyfriend (Top Chef contestant Sam Talbot, who split with his wife recently); and she'll soon appear nude in Playboy and says she prepared for the shoot by drinking Corona and eating chicken wings. [P6, Us]

The National Enquirer says John Edwards proposed to Rielle Hunter and is buying a $3.5M beach house. Now that we've found the real estate listing, a guide to the custom mahogany cabinetry (that's yuppie for "marital bliss") that lies ahead.

The National Enquirer's reporting that John Edwards has proposed to wacky mistress and baby mama Rielle Hunter—and she said yes! In 2010 we are actually more confident this is true because it's in the National Enquirer. What a world.

A North Carolina judge ordered Andrew Young, the former Edwards aide that wrote about the tape the Senator made with Rielle Hunter, to turn the tape over. He has to do it with a platoon of storm troopers too.

A North Carolina judge ruled today that former Edwards aide Young has until Wednesday to produce the tape the Senator made with Rielle Hunter, who is suing for its return. The judge said it will be kept private.

Betty White, grandmother to the world, lit up The Insider tonight as a guest panelist. White chimed in on John Edwards and Tiger Woods, identified half-naked men by their abs, fist pumped and even tore Kanye West a new one.

The National Enquirer has thrown its hat in the ring for a 2010 Pulitzer Prize, seeking official recognition from the media Brahmins for its ownership of the John Edwards sex scandal. Said Brahmins are harrumphing, and here's why they're wrong.

• As if Lindsay Lohan didn't have enough problems in her life, it seems she's a "secret hoarder," too. In an interview with the Style Network's Niecy Nash, LiLo's shows all her "stuff," which includes a bedroom filled with shoe boxes and a living room that's been turned into a giant closet. On the plus side, if Sam Ronson ever goes missing, at least the police will know where to start looking. [Us, DM]
• Tiger Woods is supposedly leaving sex rehab in Mississippi by the end of this week, which means he's changed his ways or he's planning on playing in a golf tournament in Arizona in two weeks and he's not going to let his compulsive sexual habits get in the way of that. Elin Nordegren has already flown down to pick him up. Just so there isn't an incident involving a flight attendant in the first-class lounge on the way home. [Radar, NYP]
• Season three of the Real Housewives of New York debuts next month and now word comes that creepy couple Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen may be booted before season four. It's supposedly because "viewers don't have a positive reaction to them" and Simon threw a fit when he found out he wasn't going to be paid as much as the housewives because, well, he's not a housewife, although you're excused if you thought otherwise. [NYDN]
• Precious star—and Academy Award nominee—Gabourey Sidibe would really, really like for Justin Timberlake to be her Oscar date. So, Jessica Biel, if you could step aside and make it happen, that would be great. [People]
• Jon Stewart sat down with Bill O'Reilly last night. Highlights here. [Gawker]

• Have Madonna and Jesus Luz gone their separate ways? That's what report today indicates, suggesting it was the couple's "overall lack of mutual interests" that caused the split and it was Luz who called things off. [CST]
• Rip Torn appeared in court yesterday and was formally charged with trespassing, burglary, and possessing a firearm following his arrest over the weekend for breaking into a bank because he thought it was his own house. In all fairness, though, Torn was in rural Connecticut and the "bank" is located in a two-story colonial, so this could have been a mistake that anyone could have made, no? Maybe not. Either way, Torn is now headed to rehab upstate. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Charlize Theron recently split up with her longtime partner, Stuart Townsend, but she may already have a new man in her life: Theron was spotted in LA last week on what appeared to be a date. [P6]
• Haven't the people of Haiti suffered enough? Hot on the heels of John Travolta's trip to the devastated nation to spread Scientology to the masses and now Michael Lohan and Kate Major say they, too, are planning to head to Haiti to "help" quake victims. [Radar]

Andrew Young is a creepy dude, and you can understand why many Edwards campaigners were uncomfortable with his obsessive closeness to the boss. Also, christ, if his book doesn't sell we are totally going to see the sex tape.

Flirt Alert! Tinsley Mortimer, the bubbly blonde socialite of our dreams, is single and ready to mingle. She was spotted at Sundance looking for a man, which is pretty desperate. So we thought we'd help her find The One.

Once upon a time, Edwards' staff thought white wine and sissy sodas were their biggest problems. In anticipation of Andrew Young's 20/20 interview tonight, Gawker asks an Edwards staffer to evaluate the latest rumors—and lob some new ones.