The Johnson & Johnson unit that produces Rolaids® has issued a nationwide recall of the "Softchews" line of the antacid drug after people reported finding pieces of wood and metal inside. Nothing fights stomach pain like tiny metal "particles"!

Sure, you may be really worried about contracting swine flu and then spending the next couple of weeks confined to bed (or worse). But do you know who is totally psyched that Americans are in a state of panic about H1N1? Executives at Johnson & Johnson! It's J&J that makes Purell hand sanitizer. And it's making a fortune now that we're all buying the mystery goo by the truckload. It's even offsetting the fact that we're no longer showering as much as we used to.