2009 will be remembered for a lot of things. Those things will probably be remembered better if we mash 'em up and autotune them.

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo bite the dust, Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend will be on the next season of J&K+8, Lindsay Lohan tries to pick up Justin Timberlake in a club and Megan Fox almost burns down a Louisiana town.

Well, not really. We already know they filed divorce papers in a Pennsylvania court on Monday, but that doesn't mean America doesn't want to have it confirmed by Jon and Kate in their own words, so here you go.

In advance of the big Jon and Kate "major announcement" special, People is reporting tonight that Jon and Kate Gosselin have filed for divorce. Shocking, right?!

Elle is letting LiLo off the hook over the jewels everyone seems convinced that she stole, two cops try to blackmail Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Mariah Carey will star in a London play and Justin Timberlake loves tequila shots.

Megan Fox affirms that she's single and looking, Sienna Miller claims to have never been on a date or had a one-night stand, Susan Boyle is suffering from exhaustion, and Jon and Kate celebrate their anniversary apart.

Lindsay Lohan's stalking of Samantha Ronson brings them back together, Anne Hathaway prepares to play Judy Garland on Broadway, NBC denies the Speidi torture allegations, Susan Boyle seems to have found sanity, and the Gosselin's get investigated for animal abuse.

Chace Crawford has a new swimsuit model love interest, Susan Boyle freaks out in a fit of rage on strangers and cops in London, Jon and Kate are manipulating their kids, Rihanna will get virtually naked in a new Kanye video, and Anna Wintour wants to be ambassador to Britain.

Lily Allen trashes Susan Boyle on Twitter, Jon and Kate face the "dark side of reality," Kelly Bensimon is annoying the shit out of people all over the place, Katherine Heigl got fired from another project for being a diva, and Tori Spelling looks horrendous in a bikini.