J. Lo's new boy toy never wears his shirt. Justin Timberlake keeps his promise to a marine. Zoe Saldana is single. Sunday gossip is in a "bromance."

Madonna explains what she looks for in a lover. Cuba Gooding's gay makeout partner speaks. Mariah Carey doesn't feel pretty unless she can "feel my bones." Kim Kardashian's former publicist stabs in her the back. Thursday gossip tells all.

It's an open secret that Perez Hilton can't be bothered to blog all day long anymore. But for some reason he's never copped to using ghost writers. Until now.

Jonathan Jaxson—world's worst publicist, victim of Perez Hilton's sex cons—is so over all this bullshit celebrity culture. (Well after the rest of us!) Still needing cash, though, he's got a book proposal.

Blogs, Facebook, and Twitter were supposed to liberate famous people from old-media gatekeepers. But John Mayer, Courtney Love, and others are teaching us that public figures are terrible at shaping their own image.

Kim Zolciak, the homewrecking, fake-cancer-surviving star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta has lost control of her blog to a surly "webmaster" demanding payment — according to someone at her (former?) PR firm.

Of all handler subgenus, perhaps none is taxed more thanklessly than flackus mendacitus, or the garden variety publicist.

Update time! Last week we introduced you to Jonathan Jaxson, the incompetent publicist/Perez-sexing gossip who went spectacularly public with the worst PR strategy in the history of flackdom: Start a nude-photo scandal with his Disney-star client Adrienne Bailon. It was bad beyond a reasonable doubt then, and it bottomed out this week when Bailon and her Cheetah Girls cohorts were effectively booted from performing at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.Macy's deflected blame to the group itself, with a rep telling Fox that the Girls were confirmed to appear Nov. 27, "but due to scheduling issues they could not make it." No one's sure what those scheduling issues are, though, considering that Bailon and Co. have the day off during their tour's East Coast swing — and Jaxson isn't returning requests for comment. But that's OK! Tune in to Jaxson's next appearance on his local CBS affiliate in Atlanta, where he'll spend his weekly commentary segment once again spinning how this scenario helps his young star, as though losing an audience of roughly 54 million viewers ultimately has her career right where she wants it. Keep up the good work, Jax!

It used to be that you could pull a really good hoax on people and it would take a long time to be figured out (if it was figured out at all!) And then everyone would have a good story and maybe be a little embarrassed, but not for too long. You know, like those great old stories about people like Clifford Irving faking a Howard Hughes book and Alan Conway who passed himself off as Stanley Kubrick for a while. I guess people were less cynical back then, and weren't always terrified of getting duped. "Trusting," I guess is the word. Well, not anymore. Everything gets figured out so quickly! Is it the quality of the hoaxes, or the cynicism of the hoaxed? Well, probably both. Take a look at some recent examples:

The New York Post predictably says the IM conversation between Perez Hilton and aspiring blogger Jonathan Jaxson is "sordid". But we think there's something sort of sweet to it. Sure, we don't believe that Perez really has an 8.5" cock and that part about him jerking off to the video at the end was a bit vulgar. But on the other hand, what IM user hasn't hadn't the occasional dirty chat? And Perez shows a touching self-awareness, even calling himself "a fat fucking cow" and announcing that he "finally started working out and shit." Good luck with your goal of getting in shape by next year. We're rooting for you. [Queerty]

In the brotherhood of gossip columnists, there is or at least used to be an unwritten rule: don't go after the personal lives of rivals, because they can always retaliate. So why would the New York Post's Page Six publish sex chats between corpulent blogger Perez Hilton and one of his online admirers? (Yes, he has them, amazingly.)