Christina Aguilera's mugshot wasn't supposed to be released, but here it is, anyway. Scarlett Johansson gives Sean Penn a lap dance with her foot. Montana Fishburne narrowly avoids jailtime. Wednesday gossip sneaks forbidden peeks.

Judah Friedlander was on Lopez Tonight to tell us why we should buy his book How To Beat Up Anybody. In this segment, the 30 Rock star explains how to dispatch unicyclists and ninjas.

Comedian Judah Friedlander proclaimed his fighting skills as matchless on today's Good Day NY. Judging by his book, we agree! That is, unless he's up against NY's Gubernatorial Candidate/Karate Expert Jimmy McMillan of "the Rent Is Too Damn High Party."

Last week, J. Lo was inexplicably cast in the Goldie Hawn role of a Overboard remake. Please, don't mess with the classics like that! If you're going to go remaking '80s movies, here's how to do it right.

What are you doing now? We're watching live streaming video of models playing ping pong at SPiN, the Manhattan ping pong club co-owned by Susan Sarandon and her rumored boytoy, Jonathan Bricklin. Yep, supermodels are playing ping pong for Haiti.

[30 Rock star Judah Friedlander gives a fetish demonstration outside of Penn Station in New York yesterday. Image via Getty]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 1 @ 9am Spotted a dripping wet Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock walking along 50th St. near Broadway this morning.

Always eager to oblige a reader request, we threw together this side-by-side of Judah Friedlander and Alice in Wonderland's Walrus that we suggested earlier for the Disney Dream Portrait seres. As we suspected, it was an inspired casting choice, as the two bear an uncanny physical resemblance. With that settled, now all we need is to determine who'll play his companion, The Carpenter. Our vote is for Seth Green. [Defamer]