Frankie Muniz's girlfriend said he threatened to kill himself, then punched her in the head. Ryan Phillippe hits on Rihanna, who shoots him down. Pharrell makes goose-stepping cool. Wednesday gossip is all grown up and sort of terrifying.

When it comes to embracing iconic haircuts, America would rather bask in the '90s glory of The Rachel rather than the '10s wonderment of The Bieber—well, at least at the box office. Everyone says Bieber is shitty, but today he is officially number two.

Due to some drama with volcanic ash, we weren't able to make it to Cannes this year. Fortunately, French-speaking fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern had already washed ashore, so we hustled her over to the festival to cover it for us.

Just because Nine, which opened this weekend, sucked doesn't mean that it has nothing to teach us. For instance, it can tell us how to keep a disaster like Nine from happening again.

Actress Felicity Huffman turns 47 today. Actor and comedian Mario Cantone is turning 50. John Malkovich is 56. Violinist Joshua Bell is turning 42. Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle is turning 62. Dame Judi Dench is 75. Nightline co-anchor Terry Moran turns 49. American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi turns 39. Singer Imogen Heap is turning 32. Masako, the Crown Princess of Japan, is 46. Architect Steven Holl is 62. Actor Jesse Metcalfe turns 31. Donny Osmond turns 52. And Kirk Douglas is celebrating his 93rd birthday today.

[Alongside Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, and Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman greets her tiny ex-husband on the red carpet at the Nine premiere in London today. Image via Getty]

Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman is turning 46 today. Her former castmate, Jesse Metcalfe, is celebrating his 30th. Comedian Mario Cantone is 49. Violinist Joshua Bell is 41. John Malkovich is turning 55. Dame Judi Dench is 74. It's Tom Daschle's 61st birthday. Nightline co-anchor Terry Moran is turning 49. Architect Steven Holl is 61. Singer Imogen Heap is turning 31. Donny Osmond is 51. American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi is turning 38. And Kirk Douglas turns 92 today.

We're still flipping through "The New Classics" issue of Entertainment Weekly that hit newsstands about two weeks ago. And while we feel that, on the whole, the staffers over there put together a pretty thorough examination of the last 25 years of pop culture, we do have a few qualms with their list. Chief among them is the inclusion of Casino Royale, the 2006 rebooting of the Bond franchise, which came in at #19 in their list of Top 100 movies. While it was certainly a serviceable action thriller, we've never quite been able to understand Owen Gleiberman's fascination with the film (he also rated it the top movie of 2006). Sure, the opening sequence was pretty cool if you've never seen Banlieue 13 or The Bourne Supremacy, but for us, the rest of the film was pure, uncut meh. After all, it couldn't have been just us who fell asleep during that interminable card game of Uno* that took up the entire third act of the film, right? But we're getting off track here. What we meant to be discussing all along is the new trailer for JB22, aka Quantum Of Solace, which we have for you after the jump.

[The cast of the unfortunately named James Bond: Quantum of Solace at a photo call in London today; image via WENN]

In an attempt to provide Oscar voters with all the background information necessary to make a thoroughly informed decision on this year's Best Supporting Actress award, the British Sun has helpfully spotlighted the best of all five nominated thespians' previous nude work (link NSFW), performances that no doubt impacted this year's Academy-recognized contributions to their craft. While we'll admit that we're not exactly sure what it means when Penelope Cruz's nipples are compared to "a blind cobbler's thumbs" or when front-running sexagenarian monarch/vixen Helen Mirren's breasts are called a "poignant metaphor of a pair of Wombles' noses snuffling at a plate of truffles," we're sure that their peers will be able to find a way to integrate the tabloid's painstaking research into their upcoming deliberative endeavors.

Granted, Meryl Streep isn't a capital-D Dame and the second headline is actually in reference to the favorable gambling odds for a Helen Mirren win, but our point about this year's hottest awards season trend, which we spotted back at the Golden Globes, still holds: Everyone's horny for the mature ladies of Oscar. On this year's red carpet, nubile upstarts like Penelope Cruz will be virtually ignored while E!'s omnipresent cameras capture handsy pre-show inquisitor Isaac Mizrahi lavishing attention upon Mirren's ample, immodestly presented bosom, and as Ryan Seacrest unconvincingly delivers clumsy, scripted come-ons inquiring into Judi Dench's sexual availability.

In a mere matter of weeks, minds will finally be made up over whether Casino Royale's latest Bond incarnation, Daniel Craig, has proven his many, internet-enabled naysayers wrong and was worthy all along of inheriting the superspy's mantle. Still, a little nudge of encouragement from a respected co-star never hurts, such as when Dame Judi Dench recently registered her awed surprise at having caught a sidelong glance at Craig's generously proportioned double-oh-seven.