On the same day that Anderson Cooper seemed sure to stay in the Middle East in perpetuity, he suddenly bailed just because of a little terror plot. A "source" wonders aloud to TVNewser: "Is Anderson Cooper the only star CNN has? It seems to be a one-man show at the network." You know who's not leaving the Middle East? CNN's Karl Penhaul. Reached for comment about Cooper's ascendancy and absconding, Penhaul narrowed his steely eyes to slits, rippled the musculature of his bald head, and replied, "Anderson Cooper? The fellah on Oprah? I crap bigger'n him."

Continuing coverage of the revelation that is CNN correspondent Karl Penhaul: We nearly yipped with joy when it seemed that Penhaul, waiting for the go-sign on this segment from today's CNN coverage, inscrutably said, "Stylin' it." Repeated viewing made it seem more likely he was just saying, "It's dialin' in." Regardless, those new to Penhaul can enjoy a few seconds of His Baldness hanging out on a Lebanese beach, sunburned and frisky. We particularly love how he says "fresh barrages."

Karl Penhaul is not here to fuck around. We've never noticed Penhaul on CNN before, but his gloriously sculpted, perfectly shaped bald head and no-bullshit demeanor have made him our favorite second-tier bearer of bad tidings during the current Middle East crisis. Reporting from Lebanon, Penhaul isn't the pretty boy like Anderson Cooper, nor the old warhorse like Wolf Blitzer. He's the elusive sasquatch of CNN, loping through warzones and hoving into camera view just long enough to dolefully point out the latest scene of destruction. And is that a Scottish burr or just another flavor of the King's English? Send us your Karl Penhaul tips. His bio is out of date, and the man needs a more well-informed cult.