According to a truly disturbing report from the Virginia Board of Medicine, an Army doctor ran “experiments” on his students for years—wildly unsafe, government-funded sessions allegedly fueled by ketamine, alcohol and what sounds like some sort of personality disorder.

Good news, substance-dependent lads and lasses: For a limited time only, possession of your favorite embarrassing club drugs—including meth, ecstasy and ketamine—is legal in Ireland.

Put away your Prozac; trash the Wellbutrin. The cure to depression is ketamine, and doctors are trip-sitting patients across the country.

A beauty queen from Thailand who was among the 20 finalists in this year's local Miss Maxim competition has been disqualified by the publication after a video emerged showing her teaching a five-year-old boy how to snort a substance believed to be Ketamine.

Neuropsychiatric researchers say that although traditional antidepressants can take weeks to work, depressed patients who are given BANANAS 'PAUSE BUTTON ON YOUR BRAIN' K-HOLE-INDUCING CLUB DRUG KETAMINE A.K.A. SPECIAL K feel relief from their depression "almost instantly." But could huge shots of heroin combined with a baseball bat to the head be equally effective? Ketamine-receiving patients say [just stares at the wall].

According to scientists, rave party staples LSD and ketamine (better known as Special K or just K) can be cures for depression and other psychiatric disorders. Wow, the '90s really are coming back full force. And the best part, too!