Failed David Letterman extorter Joe Halderman was more than an inept criminal with an inept legal defense team; he was a severely paranoid inept criminal. He's just saying—who knows if Letterman might have him killed, or whatever?

The New York Post has some choice quotes from Halderman's recorded conversations with Letterman's lawyer, when he was trying to get a couple million to keep quiet about Letterman's affair. He was worried Letterman might have him fired. Or have his house burned down. Or, something else:

The innocent civilians of the Hawaiian islands are being stalked by a bloodthirsty baby seal, which circles a lagoon plotting how to kill humans twice: First, with cuteness; then, with drowning. Cutie patootie, or aquatic psychotic?

He knew what we would do, and now we're doing it. George Sodini, the man who murdered three women in a Pennsylvania gym last night, left a detailed log of his plans online. So everybody is scouring his digital traces.

Police in North Carolina have shot and killed the man they believe is the serial killer responsible for five murders in South Carolina in the past week.

Who taught 89-year-old neo-Nazi killer James Von Brunn how to use the internet? Isn't it weird how much of a net presence he had, for a century-old lunatic? We have his (surprisingly postmodern) art and his weird forum posts.

"I am not a wacko," said Deborah Perez, who yesterday called a news conference to announce that her dad was the Zodiac Killer. But circumstantial evidence proves she is, at minimum, surrounded by wackos.

Before he walked into a Binghamton immigration center and shot 13 people to death last Friday, Jiverly Wong sent a letter to a Syracuse TV station, explaining his motives. He is a courteous, crazy man.

Slowly, news is starting to come out about 'Jiverly Voong,' the gunman who shot and killed more than a dozen people in a Binghamton immigration center yesterday. He was an angry gun-obsessed loner, surprise.

Often-angry American Psycho Batman Christian Bale has flipped out once again! This tape allegedly features his reaction to someone ruining a shot in Terminator Salvation. Thank god it wasn't something important.

Do not get it twisted, people: Kanye West's "personal barber and image consultant" Ibn Jasper will not hesitate to shoot you directly in the head with Glock 9. Now that he's back from Fashion Week.