"Slow your roll," American booty-wipers: have you been feeling a bit light in the tush, lately? You sure have. Because Big Toilet Paper is engaged in a systematic program of giving you less for your money.

Hygiene giant Kimberly-Clark announced yesterday that it was recalling hundreds of bottles of Kleenex-brand Luxury Foam Hand Sanitizer because they were found to contain bacteria that "may pose serious health risks to people with weakened immune systems."