Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears was molested as a kid. Usher is a girlyman. Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. will make Page Six one day. Natalie Portman's "tits." Barbara Cocoran's PR team. Presenting your late-edition Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

I know, I know. GOD, Julia Allison, when will you stop posting about her, she totally sucks, etc, etc. Well, stuff this in your empty comment box and smoke it: Julia Allison, doing performance art, about art. I'm serious.

There's an entire Sunday Styles item on Jay-Z's nu-New York anthem, which has now been performed at the VMAs, the World Series, City Hall, your son's bris, and everywhere else. Should Hova step off, or should Sinatra step over?