Yesterday, the President of the United States had the gall to stand behind a podium and assert that he is not the lead singer of Korn, despite evidence to the contrary. Yeah right, Mr. President. If you’re not the lead singer of Korn, where’s the paperwork?

[Corn-eating voice]:

Former Total Request Live with Carson Daly mainstay Korn, a band that you — yes, you — used to love, has discovered the truth that few of the band members' Hollywood friends care to admit: Obama and his "illuminati" minions have turned this country into a "house of shame." Hmm. They must be Romney men, through and through.