The FBI investigates a Bombshell-related threat. Kiefer Sutherland gets wasted and rips his shirt off. Everyone knew about Larry King's dalliance, except his wife. Taylor Momsen thinks Leighton Meester is "awesome" ...not. Saturday's gossip roundup undermines.

Michael Jackson's doctor is still just as sketchy as before. Tom Cruise will raise your kids for you. Jude Law's new baby's name, rappers, witches, Heroes, Gossip Girls, and Ashton Kutcher's fake life. Presenting an epic Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

For all of you people who are always complaining about how the "good" news rarely gets reported, here's a little ray of sunshine courtesy of the New York Times—-Some straight men are actually accepting of the gays! Amazing!

Salman Rushdie turns 62 today. Buffed-up gym owner David Barton is 45. Money manager Mario Gabelli is turning 67. Model May Andersen turns 27. The Insider's Lara Spencer is 40. Joseph McShane, the president of Fordham University, is turning 60. Phylicia Rashad is turning 61. Actress Kathleen Turner turns 55. Attorney Helene Kaplan is 76. Interior designer David Netto is turning 40. Former financier and deputy mayor Ken Lipper is 68. Hugh Dancy, the actor and fiancé of Claire Danes, is turning 34. Zoe Saldana turns 31. Sadie Frost, the actress and ex-wife of Jude Law, is 44. And Paula Abdul is turning 47. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

Prince Harry isn't being a dick! Octomom gets her own TV show, Candy Spelling works her late husband's TV pitches in real time, and Rachel Bilson doesn't eat chap stick. Presenting your Saturday morning gossip roundup.

The voting machines were tampered with! By "voting machines" we mean the mindless finger-dialers from Arkansas who were tricked by the nefarious AT&T syndicate into voting for, successfully, Miss Kris Allen, the straight white corn boy who defeated, in an upset, gay Frankenstein. The New York Times now cries foul.

Gawker: Live, From Vegas! continues unabated through the night (so stick around!). Next on deck, another special guest for this hot, inaugural summer weekend: music writer extraordinaire and Idolator editor Maura Johnston. Maura, kick out the jams, please:

Well, that's it. After all this tumbling and mumbling and Kara bumbling, the eighth and most bespangled season of American Idol yet has come to a screeching, crooning end. How'd it end for you? Are you satisfied? Surprised? Gassy? To work through all these emotions and sensations, let's discuss.

If you want to know which totally dreamy piece of manmeat won tonight, go ahead and click through now to see Ryan Seacrest announce the winner. If you don't want to know, you've been duly warned.

Oh Ryan, you master of the turn of phrase. Clever little frosted minx. I'm gonna miss you when they pack you back up into your E! radio locker and I don't get any of you until next January. Sigh. The last competition night of the year! It was... just aight.

Remember Ted Haggard, the defrocked, gay-hating evangelical pastor who was busted having meth-fueled sex with a male prostitute, then allegedly cured himself of gayness? These days he's Twittering up a storm about American Idol!

Have you ever had an angel burp on you? Ever felt the soothing hand of God as He gives you a purple nurple? If not, then you didn't watch American Idol last night.

Three is a number steeped in magic and myth—the three fates spinning our doom, the three versions of Jesus (dad, son, creepy ghost), the three bears. And now, the three Idol men. Heroes all.

Forget you, Sasha Frere-Jones. The hip hipster face of music appreciation is now Quentin Tarantino. The onetime Idol guest judge was a Mentor to the kids last night. With, you know, predicatably disastrous results.

It was Top iTunes Downloads night on Idol! That means modern, hip, fresh songs, right? Songs like "Play that Funk Music White Boy" and "Surrender". Wait, what? Where's the Leona Lewis?

And so the final 13 begins. With both bangs and whimpers. There were some pleasant surprises (go Kris Allen!) and some predictable disappointments (fail, Danny Gokey). Let's discuss further after the jump.

As predicted, two of my American Idol predictions were wrong in last night's semifinal eliminations episode. Cuteso Kris Allen is through, as I'd hoped, as are Allison (good!) and shrieking Adam Lambert (very, very bad).