Last night E! aired a special called Life After Anna Nicole: The Larry & Dannielynn Story, which was suposedly about Dannielynn, Anna Nicole's 7-year-old daughter, and the man she made her with, Larry Birkhead. Except it was more like a reality show pilot (seemingly constructed conversations and all), and it wasn't so much Dannielynn's story as Larry Birkhead's. That's disappointing because we've heard a lot from him, while Dannielynn has been sort of shrouded in mystery, despite periodical cameos in the spotlight (including modeling for Guess, just like her mom). The child barely said two dozen words for the entire hour. Still, a lovely kid. Clips of her—the real reason to watch the doc—are above.

As the heat from the Tiger Woods sex scandal cools, the once paparazzi plagued Rachel Uchitel will again settle into the cold grip of obscurity. She is one of scandal's secondary players, and we are done with her.

Michael Lohan's worried about his daughter, might be right. Situation: critical. Robert Pattenson's mom hates you. Who sucks more? Jon Gosselin or TLC? Tina Fey's virginity, Madonna's neighbor relations, Karadshian Ass..ian...and much much more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Judge Denny Chin sure has an interesting caseload. Last week, the federal judge appointed to the bench by Bill Clinton was in the papers after sentencing Bernie Madoff to 150 years in prison. So what great legal matters is he tending to this week? He's hearing opening arguments in a $60 million libel lawsuit filed by Howard K. Stern against former talk show host Rita Cosby, who alleged in her 2007 bestselling book that Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, "engaged in gay sex" while Anna Nicole stood by and allegedly videotaped it. [NYP]

Having had to evacuate Anna Nicole Smith's Coldwater Canyon residence after a freak cotton-candy-machine accident swept the home up in a cyclone of flossy, pink destruction, beleaguered babydaddy Larry Birkhead is left to pick up the pieces. For starters, that means taking work where he can find it—and in this dire economic environment, there just aren't many openings for 1-year-old-baby party planners. So Birkhead has relented and agreed to take the questionable step of laying bare his life, and the life of daughter Dannielynn, for the E! reality cameras.He justifies his rationale in the ET interview above, though we don't really see why he feels the need to. It's the next logical step for young Dannielynn, who made her TV debut at age 0 being pried out of her mother via C-section, and who now closes the Circle of Reality Show life on the very same network that pushed her mother's career to the next level. We mean—what's the worst that could happen, right? [ET Online]

No, Bobby Trendy didn't swallow a hand grenade and detonate all over the walls of Anna Nicole Smith-legacy-upholder Larry Birkhead's living room. The stay-at-Anna's-home dad is packing up a Liberace museum's worth of gaudy pink mementos from Smith's Coldwater Canyon residence and moving elsewhere. He tells Life & Style why in a Life & Style is Covering Larry's Moving Expenses Exclusive!

Hard as it is to believe, Dannielynn Hope Birkhead Smith Stern Glaxo Wellcome is now a two-year-old—well past her blob stage, and developing into quite the pretty young lady. It's Us Weekly who have this time met the birthday-party-exclusive asking price, which included some highly quotable soul-searching from doting wrangler Larry Birkhead:

Pity Anna Nicole Smith's one-year-old daughter Dannielynn, who will grow up never having known her exhaustively documented mother. A tragedy to be sure, but one that fame-hungry babydaddy Larry Birkhead is determined to resolve in the most unorthodox fashion possible. If only there were some way (besides granting paid exclusives to The Insider) he could show Dannielynn just how much her mother meant to him...

Larry Birkhead, ex-boyfriend of the late Anna Nicole Smith and father of their daughter Dannielynn, is ensuring that the girl grows up with a link to her mother-in the form of sexy underwear. "[Birkhead] spent nearly $3,000 at a celebrity auction Saturday scooping up lingerie once worn in a Playboy shoot by the late playmate. Birkhead said he is trying to make sure his 1-year-old daughter, Dannielynn, has something to remember her mother by. 'I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about,' Birkhead told The Associated Press. 'Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career.'"

Dannielynn Hope Birkhead, now 18-months-old, has been named sole heir to the Anna Nicole Smith estate by an L.A. Superior Court judge yesterday, as well as the beneficiary of a newly established trust. Larry Birkhead and estate-executor Howard K. Stern are—you guessed it—the co-trustees, a new responsibility which we can only imagine will further prevent them from putting a fucking tombstone on Anna Nicole's grave. [usatoday.com]

Just because Dannielynn Birkhead wasn't recently extracted from a famous uterus doesn't mean she's has no resale value. Her crossed eye alone is worth a robust $250,000. A Larry Birkhead source say he's selling the surgery footage to Entertainment Tonight and The Insider. Birk denies he's hawking the actual procedure; he's just shopping around the follow-up interview. This is going to make for a very special episode of Celebrity Rehab in fifteen years. [Page Six, image via Bauer-Griffin]

On February 8, 2007, a devastated Defamer was glued to CNN, following Dr. Sanjay Gupta and the rest of AnnaDeath 360° team as they offered breathless updates on the not-entirely-shocking (yet still pretty traumatic) loss of Anna Nicole Smith. And yet here we are, a full year later, and Hollywood seems doomed to repeat its trainwreck-glamorizing mistakes. Meanwhile, Smith's legacy carries on via the creepy gentleman-callers who dotted the love polygon that defined much of her life. Larry Birkhead, we well know through a series of soul-deadening The Insider exclusives, has been adjusting to life with his money-pooping paternity jackpot, most recently having plopped the toddler on a patch of grass he assured us was Anna Nicole's resting place, and successfully baby-wrangled his daughter into saying the word "mama" for their cameras.

Larry Birkhead and integrity go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. While we have never held him in anything even remoting approaching regard, we think that this clip might one day go down as his lowest moment. That goes for those creeps over at The Insider, too. This clip of Birkhead trotting out Dannielynn to the Bahamian gravesite where her mother is buried repulses us on more levels than we care to count. But we'll try.

Larry Birkhead and Britney Spears? It's not as crazy as it sounds: Says an insider to In Touch, "Larry has a thing for vulnerable blondes - and no one seems more vulnerable than Britney these days." Of course, his lower back will always belong to Anna Nicole, but we're thinking those two might not be the worst coupling we've ever heard of—the Sean Preston/other one/Dannielynn/Casey Jr. playdates alone make it something worth exploring. [In Touch]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Buster Bluth menacing the Grove Santa with his hook.

Had she lived, Anna Nicole Smith would have been 40 years old today; she'd also very likely be disoriented, naked but for a set of lipstick cat whiskers, and wandering around the lobby of a Florida Hard Rock hotel with a nearby Howard K. Stern capturing every pratfall on Hi-8. As ever-tabloid-present in death as she was in her drug-addled years on Earth, Entertainment Tonight commemorates the posthumous milestone by approaching the two most essential mapping points on the love-polygon that defined much of her life—Stern and Larry Birkhead:

Howard K. Stern dropped by Larry King Live last night, his first time swinging at the fossilized CNN inquisitor's legendary softballs since he appeared shortly after Daniel Smith's death to assure the world he was indeed Dannielynn's father. (He now explains that minor oversight away to some confusion over ovulation schedules and Anna Nicole hand-off times.)

Amazon's recommendation engine suggests shoppers looking for Rita Cosby's shocking Anna Nicole tell-all Blonde Ambition also check out bestselling O.J. Simpson pseudo-confessional If I Did It, the rationale presumably being that while reading up on two mysterious Hollywood deaths is nice, four is even nicer.

Howard K. Stern, paramour and lawyer to fallen angel-temptress Anna Nicole Smith, is suing the holy heck out of Rita Cosby and her publisher, Hachette Book Group. Cosby's book, "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death," which has pretty much only been read by tabloid mag staffers in need of innuendo for items, claims that Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole babydaddy Larry Birkhead had an affair, for one thing. Birkhead's attorney—his client certainly has more case for grievance, because oh my God, Howard K. Stern, eww—says he'll file his own libel suit soon enough. Nifty! The legacy of Anna Nicole lives on!

Though it was Larry Birkhead who openly swore he'd sue Rita Cosby, to use the legal parlance, "back into the MSNBC rat-hole from which she first produced her twitching rodent snout," it is Howard K. Stern, the second half of the all-male coupling she licentiously described in Blonde Ambition, who's first to file suit: