Have a kid but want to see Shia LeBeouf's erection on a giant screen? No problem! New York's Landmark Sunshine theater invites to you bring your baby to its "Rattle & Reel" screening of Lars von Trier's instantly infamous (and surprisingly funny) Nymphomaniac Volume I next week. Don't miss this opportunity to show your baby how babies are made.

That Lars von Trier certainly discombobulates people who watch his movies! For instance, there's Peter Debruge, chief international film critic of Variety, who just wrote his review of von Trier's four-hour Nymphomaniac, which includes the following passage:

Three things that are amusing about the newly released trailer for shock-auteur Lars von Trier's forthcoming Nymphomaniac:

Lars von Trier's up-coming Charlotte Gainsbourg vehicle is about a self-diagnosed nymphomaniac who recounts her decades-long sex life to a stranger in a dark alley.

Serious method actor Shia LaBeouf is really into realism these days.

Child-actor-turned-penis-model Shia LaBeouf will be having for-real sex in Lars von Trier's upcoming film Nymphomaniac, according to the actor himself.

Danish dunderhead and director of occasionally great films Lars von Trier says he's being investigated by French authorities for saying (jokingly) that he's a Nazi. (The video is here.)

Kara DioGuardi describes a terrible trip. Lindsay Lohan begins another stint under house arrest. Kim Kardashian's 20-carat engagement ring looks like a ring pop. And new rumors about Rihanna and Chris Brown. It's TGIFriday gossip.

And on the fifteenth minute of his Nazi scandal, Lars von Trier issued an apology to Israeli newspaper Haaretz:

Lars von Trier's trainwreck press conference is the gift that keeps on giving. The Telegraph posted video of von Trier's Nazi meltdown, and it's the second-most awkward press conference footage I have ever seen, right after Gloria Allred's baseball bat masturbation press conference. Seated next to Von Trier, Kirsten Dunst covers her face with her hand and looks mortified. Unless it's leftover mortification from Lars' "really, really, really hardcore" comment?

Lars von Trier is "doing [his] best" to satiate his leading lady's appetite for porn. Woody Allen says he wants to fuck all of his leading ladies. Zsa Zsa Gabor falls into a coma. Janice Dickinson loses her teeth. Thursday gossip takes a Nazi pervert at his word.

Danish director Lars von Trier probably thought saying "I'm a Nazi," and other stupid, unfunny things at the Cannes film festival was funny. The festival's board didn't, and today declared him "a persona non grata," and gave him the boot.

International man of idiocy (and occasionally brilliant filmmaking) Lars von Trier is at Cannes promoting his new movie Melancholia, and at a recent press conference the Danish director went off the rails with a weird diatribe about his Nazi sympathies.

Here's a trailer for brutalist director Lars Von Trier's lastest film, a sci-fi flecked drama about a miserable bride and the end of the world. The film actually bills itself on its website as "A beautiful movie about the end of the world." So there. Plus naked Dunst!

She's about to embark on a very difficult ordeal. Also today: a TV favorite gets a new role, the latest Zac Efron project sounds dangerous, theater news both exciting and terrifying, and bad news for Patton Oswalt.

A complicated back-story could lead to a Taxi Driver remake—starring Robert De Niro. The ACE awards happened. Barbara Walters won't torture us anymore before the Oscars. Today's Trade Roundup is dedicated to former president Martin Van Buren.

Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro are teaming up with Lars von Trier to "reboot" Taxi Driver. In 3D! (Your totally credible source for this information: "Copenhagen film magazine Ekko.")

It's Halloween season at the multi-plex; which means that if today's brand of torture-centric "thrills" is not your cup of tea, cinema offers few reasons not to stay in your house and barricade the doors.

defending his 2005 prediction — "We will never see a black president, yet they are all over TV so what good does that do? It only sounds politically correct, but it's not a reality" — in an interview with Blackbook.

Things are getting bad down Tila Tequila way. Claudia Schiffer needs a prayer. And there's gay marriage in a certain Mad Men actor's future. Yes, it's your Tuesday morning gossip roundup!