Scott Conant and Chris Cannon used to be partners in a pair of highly-rated Italian restaurants, Alto and L'Impero. The two decided to go their separate ways in early 2007 (Conant now oversees the meatpacking district restaurant Scarpetta), and while their split may have appeared amicable at first, things devolved over the summer when Conant directed some tough words at Cannon in the pages of New York Restaurant Insider and even suggested his former partner was incompetent. "Something tells us this won't be the last time hard words come out," New York's Grub Street surmised at the time. You can say that again. Last week Conant filed a suit against Cannon in New York Supreme Court, alleging that Cannon has failed to pay him $104,440.67 in deferred compensation. Cannon, for his part, is now countersuing, arguing that Conant violated the terms of his contract as well as defamed him in the New York Restaurant Insider interview, a violation, he says, of the "non-disparaging remarks" provision in the separation agreement they signed in 2007. After the jump, all the salacious details contained in the suit.

Our supercool, smokin' President-elect has already inspired ironic T-shirts, lawsuits based on those T-shirts, and now a classic "this thing looks like that thing" post, all in one week!

The liberal portion of the Supreme Court says that average jerks can sue cigarette companies for fraudulently marketing their light cigarettes—which kill you—as safe. Conservatives say no, just shut up and die. Really!

A "landmark" court ruling in the UK means that it is now legal to make jokes there (without having to pay millions in defamation damages). Jokes about Elton John, especially.

Hahaha: Incompetent, litigious superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian is suing a rival for $20 million for calling him a douchebag, on the internet! Hahahaha! This is my favorite story of the holiday season:

Add Tom Colicchio to the long list of high-profile chefs who have been slapped with a lawsuit by a disgruntled ex-employee: A former Craftbar waitress filed a federal lawsuit yesterday against Colicchio and his company, Craft Worldwide Holdings, for allegedly misappropriating employee tips, failing to pay minimum wage, and withholding overtime pay. (She also claims Colicchio's company refused to pay to clean her work uniform.) The good news for Tom? We're guessing he'll have lots of useful advice to share with contestants when this trend eventually gets incorporated into an episode of Top Chef. [NYT]

Has marriage to a vertically-challenged head of state robbed France's First Lady of her sense of humor? Carla Bruni Sarkozy—whose party trick used to be making her boobs dance individually—is now suing a French clothing chain for slapping her famous nude photo on their seasonal shopping bags. It could be worse: A few weeks ago Sarkozy tried (and failed) to ban the sale of a voodoo doll in his image, which has since turned into a big seller in Paris this holiday season. [Telegraph]

Sad news for crazy people: the Supreme Court decided not to hear an emergency call to intervene to stop Barack Obama from assuming the presidency, on account of how he's secretly not a citizen. The nut who brought the suit "also contends that two other candidates, Republican John McCain and Socialist Workers candidate Roger Calero, also are not natural-born citizens and thus ineligible to be president." Even David Horowitz has had enough of this nonsense. (This nonsense sponsored by Alan Keyes.) [AP/Yahoo]

It may be time to put a cork in Silicon Valley's most famous law firm. Wilson Sonsini is no longer celebrating its new attorneys with champagne. That trimmed perk is just the beginning of its woes.

Since he escaped the dotcom bust with a considerable fortune, Halsey Minor, the founder of tech-news site CNET, has been acquiring art, real estate, and a blonde trophy wife. You'd think he'd be happy. You'd be wrong.

Tesla Motors, once the best hope of Silicon Valley's nascent electric-car industry, is getting better known for manufacturing drama than vehicles. The company just saw its top marketer, Darryl Siry leave — allegedly after running his mouth about ex-employees.

The family of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart worker who was trampled to death at a Long Island store by a Black Friday mob hungry for discounts at any cost, has filed a lawsuit holding the company responsible for his death. And they're not just blaming the store's lack of security that morning; they're blaming Wal-Mart's ad campaign for turning sedate Long Islanders into a callous capitalist stampede of death:

Another lawsuit has been filed against pervy American Apparel CEO Dov Charney, alleging he sexually harasses women and inflates his company's profits, as usual. But! AA has now filed its own suit saying that Nikky Yang (the ex-employee who's filed this new suit) is disgruntled and stole money while she was at AA and was always hitting Dov Charney up for money even after she left. (Yang is represented by Keith Fink, the attorney already in an ongoing feud with AA). And AA's suit includes many amusing emails from Yang to Dov, including this one from 2004 promising him a nice hot massage girl!:

Can hipster clothing conglomerate American Apparel and its balls-out CEO Dov Charney never have a normal, peaceful, lawsuit, which is settled quietly and forgotten about? Most recently, the company was fighting back against a lawsuit by ex-employee Roberto Hernandez by trotting out his ex-lovers and leaking documents showing that Hernandez himself recently defended Charney from the very charges he's now being sued for. And now AA is playing more legal hardball! The company is trying to prove to the world that Keith Fink, the lawyer for another ex-employee suing Dov for sexual harassment, is in fact an extortionate scumbag himself. Leaked internal emails below:

The problems are piling up for financier Steve Rattner. Two weeks ago, the media investor and Quadrangle Capital co-founder announced plans to shut down one of the firm's hedge funds; last week, it was revealed that Rattner's Alpha Media Group, which publishes Maxim and Blender, had fallen behind on payments to the company's creditors. Now the publishing company has been hit with a lawsuit by a hospitality company that claims Alpha Media failed live up to an agreement to promote a resort in the Dominican Republic bearing the Maxim name. The company, EMI Resorts, is now seeking more $80 million in damages. The full suit is below.

You probably won't find a smile on Donald Trump's face today. A month ago, it was reported that Trump's 92-story Chicago property, the Trump International Hotel & Tower, was on the brink of bankruptcy since Trump had fallen behind on debt payments as he struggled to line up residential and commercial tenants for his over-the-top condo/hotel/retail venue. Now the bank that extended him the millions to build the property, Deutsche Bank, has filed suit against Trump. [WSJ]

What kind of a strange world are we living in when fashion designers are using real fur, but pretending it's fake, in order to entice shoppers? According to a lawsuit filed by the Humane Society, various stores including Saks, Bloomingdales, and Neiman Marcus have for years been selling coats labeled as faux-fur that in fact were made from fluffy dead animals. Hey, Kate Winslet and Gwyneth Paltrow can't tell the difference between fake and real, so why should anyone else? [WSJ/Runway]

Money troubles appear to be piling up for Annie Leibovitz. Back in August, court records indicated that the famed photographer had racked up $715,000 in debt related to renovations on her townhouse in the West Village and unpaid taxes. Now she has another hefty bill to worry about: A stylist she worked with on a series of photo shoots is suing her for failing to pay her firm more than $400,000. [NYP]

Fallen former newspaper mogul Conrad Black—Baron Black of Crossharbour, to you—is currently serving out a 78 month sentence in a Florida prison for fraud and obstruction of justice, related to his looting of his own company's funds for his personal use. Or so the government claims. The martyred Lord used to write editorials decrying the injustice of his convictions in the New York Sun, but they folded. Now he's writing the same damn thing in the Times of London. And the man who was once the world's third-biggest newspaper magnate sounds like the second coming of Eldridge Cleaver:

During the presidential campaign, John McCain kept getting in trouble with various musicians for stealing their godless liberal music and using it to promote his candidacy. Heart, Bon Jovi, John Mellencamp, Boston, Van Halen and the Foo Fighters all got pissed at him at various points. But only Jackson Browne sued the Arizona Senator. McCain used "Running on Empty" in a campaign ad, and Browne, whose new album features a song about hanging out in Castro's Cuba, was not happy. Now, McCain has countersued Browne, because why not. According to McCain's two motions, Browne infringed on McCain's right to free speech. McCain also says "that rather than damage the song's commercial potential, his use 'will likely increase the popularity of this thirty year-old song,'" which makes plenty of sense to us. John McCain probably has all his Flickr photos licensed under Creative Commons too, right? [THR]