Kind of like a Harry Potter book, right? Michael Lohan's now Jon Gosselin's contracts expert. Nothing but squares at the Daily News. Robert Pattinson hates his life. Carrie Prejean: monumentally stupider than previously imagined. Here's your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Both NBC and ABC plan to pre-empt regular programming this evening to air specials devoted to coverage of the Jackson story. E!, MTV, and CNN (among others) have specials airing over the next few days, too. [NYT, THR]
• Time is publishing a special Jackson "commemorative edition" on Monday. For its part, Rolling Stone has a "bookazine" in the works. [NYT, NYT]
• How newspapers around the world covered the Jackson news. [Guardian]
• And how the Jackson story kind of broke the Internet. [ABC News]

Blow a kiss in Adriana Lima's direction. The supermodel turns 28 today. Others celebrating: Yankees star Hideki Matsui is turning 35. Deputy mayor Kevin Sheekey is turning 43. David Rockefeller is 94. Sports Marv Albert is turning 68. Real estate broker Michele Kleier is 66. Hunter College president Jennifer Raab turns 53. Kendra Wilkinson is turning 24. And George H. W. Bush celebrates his 85th birthday today. Weekend birthdays—including those of the Olsen twins and Donald Trump—after the jump.

• Chris DeWolfe is out as the CEO of News Corp.-owned MySpace. [CNN]
• More on Peter Kaplan's split from Jared Kushner's Observer, and the rumor Kaplan is now heading to Condé Nast Traveler. [NYT, WWD, DHD]
• ABC has renewed 12 series, including Dancing with the Stars, The Bachelor, Grey's Anatomy, and Desperate Housewives. [THR]
• Viacom, the parent company BET, is planning to start up a new cable TV channel for middle-aged African-Americans. [NYT]
• Barry Diller is looking to shed his email newsletter Very Short List. Bob Pittman and Jared Kushner have taken a look; co-founders Kurt Andersen and Michael Jackson are considering a management buyout. [NYP]
• The New York Times Co. foundation is suspending its grants and no longer matching employees' charitable donations. [Gawker]

• The New York Times Co.'s bank balance is running a bit low, but that hasn't detered the company from handing out lavish pay packages. The company's CEO, Janet Robinson, received a total compensation package valued at $5.58 million in 2008, up from $4.14 million in 2007. [NYP, HP]
• Is Rachel Maddow losing her glow? March was the lowest-rated month so far for Maddow's MSNBC show since its debut last fall. [LAT]
• The Chicago Tribune plans to cut another 20 percent of its newsroom staff as it looks to reduce expenses amid continuing declines in advertising. [CB]
• Yahoo posted a 78 percent decline in quarterly profits and said it would eliminate about 675 more jobs, or 5% of its work force. [WSJ]
• Tonight is Len Berman's last night at WNBC. [NYDN]

Monday we heard that WNBC's Chuck Scarborough and KNBC's Paul Moyer, the Kent Brockman and Ron Burgundy of New York, were both potential buyout targets. And now loooooooongtime WNBC sports guy Len Berman—the guy who shows the bloopers!—is getting bought out:

Chuck Scarborough has yet to be given a pink slip by WNBC, as per the rumors making the rounds yesterday, but the same can't be said for sports anchor Len Berman. The 20-year veteran of Ch. 4 will stick around for the next 30 to 60 days before bidding goodbye to his $1-million-a-year salary. Whether his "Spanning the World" bit lives on without him is unclear, although on a positive note, he'll no longer have to commute home to Long Island at 11:30pm every night. [Newsday]

Everyone's favorite set of child-star-turned-media-tycoon twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, turn 22 today. Congrats, girls. We expect there'll be lots of shots involved in your celebration tonight, although we're guessing you decided to forgo the birthday cake. Also celebrating around town today: U.N. head honcho Ban Ki-Moon turns 64. Portly congressman Jerry Nadler is 61. Celebrating tomorrow: Donald Trump will turn 63, although with that rug on his head, he doesn't look a day over 62. CNN's Campbell Brown turns the big 4-0. Book editor Alice Mayhew will be 72. Hedge fund tycoon Stanley Druckenmiller will be 56. Restauranteur Phil Suarez turns 68. And veteran sportscaster Len Berman will be 62.

Berman is the former weekday sportscaster at WNBC, where he recited the Knicks and Yankees scores alongside Sue Simmons and Chuck Scarborough. However, he may be best known for his "Spanning the World," segments on the Today Show.